Another Year…


 

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My birthday is fast approaching.  Next Wednesday I’ll celebrate fifty-nine years!

In a conversation with my daughter last night we discussed age.  While some may say that 59 years of age is old…it doesn’t ‘feel’ that way.  What an odd way to describe our age though as how we feel?

I will always feel the wonder of this world that I inhabit.  Despite all the mess currently going on regarding the politics of our time, this planet of ours is so much bigger and wondrous than we’ll every be.

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We are not all that nice to each other or to our Earth at times, are we?

On Wednesday here in BC we will celebrate not only someone’s birthday but also Pink Shirt Day which is an initiative against bullying.

The theme this year “Make Nice”.

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I’d like to take that challenge a bit further and just ask everyone to practice kindness on a daily basis.

It isn’t easy.

Still the benefits so outweigh the difficulty of dealing with our anger and not projecting it elsewhere.   And if someone is hurting ask if they’d like to talk.

Listening is one the best skills any of us can have.  I have been working on this in a big way.

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Since joining a local Toastmasters chapter a year and half ago my listening skills have increased ten fold.  Still, there is always room for improvement and always will be.

We just passed Valentines Day.  At our Toastmasters meeting we were all asked to say one word that describes what love  means to  us.

After the fact I thought about this quite a bit.  How could one word define love?

And this is what struck me just before falling to sleep a few nights back.

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Love = Freedom

 

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Hate = Fear

Freedom is expansive…it encompasses so much!  Embrace freedom and surrender to a loving heart!

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Kindness matters…always!

 

 

 

 

 

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I Wish…


 

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We talk of the killings occurring  that are seemingly on a daily basis, and we don’t even live in the U.S.A.

The world at large seems to be in this state of extreme turmoil and stress.

This may sound simple.   It may sound half baked.

Why not try it though…just for good measure?

Let’s lay down our guns.  Remember what it is to really love unconditionally, then hold each other and say, “I’m sorry.”

Let’s tell each other we love each other, even if we don’t mean it.  Just try it. I dare you.

Maybe, just maybe, one life will be saved.

Maybe, just maybe, one person will learn to love again.

And maybe, just maybe, hope will creep gently back into our souls.

We have choices.  I choose love and forgiveness.

I hope you’ll join me.

Sex Sells


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Do you want a better, longer lasting, more fulfilling orgasm?

Do you feel you current ‘explosions’ of passion are not really lifting off and are well…somehow lacking?

Do you sometimes wonder if you’ve ever reached the pinnacle of sexual arousal and release?

If you have said “yes” to any of the above then its very likely you’ve never reached the height of sexual pleasure that you deserve!

Well, have I got news for you!

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That’s how most ads begin. The promise of skyrockets in flight and many more untold pleasures, at least the more provocative commercials anyway.

The idea with any marketing campaign is to make the consumer feel as if we are missing out. With the product and or ‘secret knowledge’ or both your life will be transformed.

And that is the key to any successful marketing campaign is selling the experience or guaranteed results of whatever it is you’ve been convinced will transform you and/or your life.

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With regard to sex, all you have to do is watch the CIALIS or VIAGRA commercials as couples gleefully begin to have sex in the morning and afternoon once again and the men dance gaily down the street now that they can produce a hard-on once more!

A little suspect, don’t you think? And for the record there are many reasons why men may experience erectile dysfunction, diet, stress, drug and alcohol abuse, just to name a few.

Still it’s not unusual for couples to fall into a repetitive routine when it comes to sex. Find what works and run with it. Only problem with taking this approach is that it can lead to a rather boring, mundane and lack luster sexual experience.

Its finding those moments when you both move outside your comfort zone and experiment that you may well find the desired spice you’re seeking.

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For many people, rather than work on this aspect of the relationship, they begin to look elsewhere.

If you’ve been in a relationship where the sex was fabulous and frequent and now find it sadly lacking there are any number of issues that could have contributed to this. Stress is likely at the top of the list.

Having a career, a mortgage, children, daycare, and kazillion other activities demanding attention…the luxury of sex can be reduced to a half hour in bed before you go to sleep at night.

Many have stated that those who signed up with ‘ASHLEY MADISON’ have gotten their justice deserved.

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The latest report is that the site was hacked by someone who worked on the inside or at one time did and knew how to expose 37 milliion customers.

In truth I consider the site itself to be quite pathetic; however, I am very dismayed and shocked at the breach that occurred. That someone took it upon themselves to exploit this website for whatever condescending reasons, certainly didn’t take into consideration the residue effect this would have on the family members of Ashely Madison’s clients’.

Most notably the children.

Now cheating of any kind may be considered reprehensible in a purist society.  We are anything but. Look around you’ll see that it is happening everyday and occurs frequently on a large scale in all forms. In schools, at the workplace just to mention two problem areas.

sex 2It the sell job we entice society with.

Buy into the marriage machine and have the 2.5 children, the job, the house and fully is finding this isn’t quite what they had in mind.

Then you find that it’s not quite what you had anticipated.

You want the thrill, the instant gratification…you want something better

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But sex sells. It always has and likely always will. The illusion of a coupling so completely wild and uninhibited; free of guilt…free of fear…free of thought.

There is something very simple and primitive in the sexual act that is deeply beautiful in my mind.

The way by which we are attracted to one another is so random at times.

Through tens of thousands of years of evolution though we’ve managed to clutter and confuse the very idea of sex.

BERLIN, GERMANY - AUGUST 22:  Furry enthusiasts attend the Eurofurence 2014 conference on August 22, 2014 in Berlin, Germany. Furry fandom, a term used in zines as early as 1983 and also known as furrydom, furridom, fur fandom or furdom, refers to a subculture whose followers express an interest in anthropomorphic, or half-human, half-animal, creatures in literature, cartoons, pop culture, or other artistic contexts. Many but not all of the followers of the movement wear furry animal costumes. The earliest citation of anthropomorphic literature regularly cited by furry fans is Aesop's Fables, dating to around 500 BC.  (Photo by Adam Berry/Getty Images)

BERLIN, GERMANY – AUGUST 22: Furry enthusiasts attend the Eurofurence 2014 conference on August 22, 2014 in Berlin, Germany. Furry fandom, a term used in zines as early as 1983 and also known as furrydom, furridom, fur fandom or furdom, refers to a subculture whose followers express an interest in anthropomorphic, or half-human, half-animal, creatures in literature, cartoons, pop culture, or other artistic contexts. Many but not all of the followers of the movement wear furry animal costumes. The earliest citation of anthropomorphic literature regularly cited by furry fans is Aesop’s Fables, dating to around 500 BC. (Photo by Adam Berry/Getty Images)

It certainly is the way by which we procreate. No argument there, however, we are the only know species that actually mates because we fucking well love it!

Yet we’ve taken that knowledge and twisted it into all kinds of misinformation.

Why, for example, do we still find it so difficult to talk to our children about the sexual act and all the emotions and feelings that go with it?

A few years back a friend of mine had tickets to the ‘Taboo: Naughty but Nice’ exhibition here in Vancouver. We toddled off and entered 20,000 sq. ft. of all things sexual.

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Spanking 101, Bondage 101, Extreme Bondage, 202, How to Talk Dirty…effectively. Playmates with boob jobs that were huge and of disproportionate excess strolled the aisles encouraging the masses of nervous and wide-eyed people to relax and enjoy.

Now I’m naturally well-endowed and have found the girls get in the way at times…particularly when I’m trying on clothing. I can’t imagine having or wanting the basketballs these gals had implanted.

And as I pondered how uncomfortable melons of that size would be, a young woman smiled at me and ventured into my path. I smiled back.

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She stepped forward now and with conspiratorial tone she asked, “Have you ever been at work and suddenly felt extremely horny and wondered what to do?” Pausing impishly she asked if I’d like to know how to remedy such a situation.

I smiled “Do tell.” I encouraged.

My friend and I followed her over to her booth where she slipped a tiny vibrator onto her finger.

“Just excuse yourself to the restroom facilities, drop your drawers and have at her…” she cooed as the mini-vibrator was applied over her clothing in the vaginal area rather suggestively.

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It operated on a tiny battery found in some camera’s and calculators.

The cost of $75 was a little steep in my mind. I’m an accountant and in all honesty I can’t recall a time when I’ve ever gotten horny looking at a number.

Even why a young man stood unabashedly naked in the building across from us, I found it more amusing rather than a turn on.

I thought of other times when I was out and about and the need for quick fix for a turn on had arisen. In the end we thanked her and carried on.

There were multi-coloured penis made out everything imaginable. We came to a table with several hundred rings of various shapes and sizes. The sales man launched in to the hard sell. And yes, I did just go there!

I must admit, by the time he stopped to inhale and take another breath, I’d learned more than I’ve ever wanted about penis rings. Sadly I confessed to him that I had no penis in my life to place ring on.

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By the end of our sojourn into the world of sexual accessories I was anything but stimulated.

At the end of the day, remember that sex is beautiful energy to be shared.  And you make it what it should be.

Nothing more…nothing less.  Enjoy.

 

Just One Question…


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A couple of colourful Queens from last week’s Pride Celebration in Vancouver!

After toddling through my domestic duties I got out and about for a walk.

It is Gay Pride Week here in New Westminster.  Local business’ are having a competition for the best window display.

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This is where I was training prior to the car accident.  Tamer has done a fabulous job!  Love it!

I grabbed my camera and photographed the many displays on hand.

At times the pain in my back kicked in so I would just rest up for a bit before carrying on.  I’m committed now. I must keep moving, working through this if I ever want to get the life I had back or parts of it.

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It would be fabulous to be able to just go for a walk and not end up in pain by the time I get back home.

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The book store that is selling copies of my book!

I’ve been working on a series of blogs posts that I will present shortly based on the up coming elections.  We have a federal election coming up on October 19, 2015 here in Canada and south of the border they are ramping up for their election next year as well.

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I stopped a Greek restaurant for dinner then made my way home.

And I wonder why it is that some people find it unacceptable and intolerable that two people of the same sex love each other.

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Moxies on Davie St.  The party was on!

Love is and always will be the best thing anyone can experience.

I’ve lived my life very much alone.  Yes, I’ve raised a daughter, a beautiful and wonderful woman.  Yes, I have friends that I love beyond all else.

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But I never got the man and woman relationship down.  I let the scars from my youth unfortunately get in the way.

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And in my mind, if you find the love of your life then you are blessed.  Cherish it and hold it close.  Never, ever take it for granted.

Peace out!

 

 

 

Babies and Birth: The Birth of People, Ideas and a Book


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Last Saturday I attended Claire’s baby shower.  I am so very excited for her!  She is totally warming to the idea of motherhood now and getting rather giddy to boot.

I could see that there was a little fear in there too.  I wanted to tell her that this is a very normal response.

When the idea of a new life being born to this world hits a new mother, it can be a very powerful experience mixed with every emotion imaginable and a boatload of hormones to boot.

Claire will be just fine.

I then got to thinking of all the wonderful people I’ve met since I began writing in earnest, Claire being one of them.

She is one of the first people to have read any of my work.

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I had joined up with the New Westminster Writers Group in early February 2011 which was a critique group.  I hunted about now wanting to find another group that would provide additional information on the whole writing thing.  I found the Vancouver Writers Social Group and joined in March of 2011.  They would get together and discuss various topics.  I liked this and found it was the balance I was looking for.

While I had written all my life I can say in all honesty I really didn’t know anything about it.  When terms such as ‘steam punk, fan fiction’ and the like were bandied about I had no clue what these were.  So I listened.  Claire offered to give me some feed back on the memoir I had begun so I sent her the first chapter then met with her a week later at a coffee house near her home.

I was prepared to be critiqued.  After all this would provide additional guidance on this project I’d begun.  She looked at me rather resolutely and stated “I really like how you write.  You could possibly have a best seller here.”

I was absolutely stunned by her comments.

And it occurred to me then that perhaps I was good at this writing thing after all.

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The year of 2011 was a year of major breakthroughs on so many levels.

What I’d previously considered impossible now held merit and plausibility.  I needed to explore this further.

2011 was also a tough year emotionally.  I was stepping up to own those painful truths that I had denied for the better part of my adult life.  I was taking chances and stepping out of my comfort zone in a big way.  I discovered that my ‘comfort zone’ is simply what I’m used to, what I know and what I come to expect.  It can be a very stifling place to remain in.

Stepping outside of this mindset was the best thing I could have done to assist in my personal growth at that time.

I had to break down a few walls along the way though.

There were opportunities aplenty to change my mind and return the mediocrity of what I had known.  I teetered on this point several times.

But finally it was time to find out what was indeed on the other side of the mountain and my curiosity pushed me over the edge.

2011 was the ‘All or Nothing’ year.

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I just wanted to feel again.  I didn’t want to over analyze or question…I just wanted to experience this life fully and without inhibitions.

And I remember the night I started to write the book in true sincerity and with vision.

I’d chatted for years about penning a book.  There were many starts of fictional novels.  I started a journal back in 2004.  In a light blue duo tang folder I put a package of 200 line sheets in it.

On the over I wrote “Welcome to the Human Race:  With This In Mind”.

It took me seven years to write 100 pages of longhand.

On that January night in 2011 I reached a serious crossroad.   I’d been out with my friend Kathy and we’d had a conversation that would ultimately resonate so deeply that it propel me to change how I was living my life.  That evening I sat in the corner of my bedroom where the computer was originally set up and with a glass of red wine in had and pile of notebooks and such decided it was time.

By July 2012 I’d finished the first draft.

And it was meeting so many other writers, Keith, , John, Gareth, Amber, Jonanne, Perry, Peter, Sonya, Issac….just to name a few that propelled me forward wanting to improve my skill set.

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Claire’s initial affirmation was a major boost for my confidence and to continue on.

In the last five years I’ve finished and published my first book.  I’ve posted about 540 articles on this blog of mine and am developing six other writing projects.  A trilogy of the fantasy fiction variety exploring the evolution of the Written Word; an erotica fictional novel with the exploration of how we arrive at our sexual preferences at the core; a murder mystery and of course a romance.

This should keep me busy for a couple of years.  I also started my own publishing company and do hope to work with other writers as well.

Like all newborn’s there will be few slips and stumbles along the way.  That’s how we learn and grow.

I’m looking forward to meeting Claire and Denis’ little one.  Soon…

Peace.

 

Thank you for this Magic Moment


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I am truly humbled by everyone who has offered up their best wishes and congratulations.

I feel so truly blessed at this moment.

I am recording the facts and etching the beauty of all of the love that has been afforded me through this project and throughout my life by family and friends.

I couldn’t have done the things I’ve done without them.

I was listening to the radio on the drive into work this morning.  Willy and the gang were discussing this oddity that has happened with some ‘A’ listers in the entertainment industry.

Certain celebrities insist on movie sets that no one looks them in eye.

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Now this is pure ego…nothing more.  It is also a show of extreme insecurity in my mind.

Holding someone’s gaze is a very revealing and intimate exchange.  So much can be shared in this simple act.

Yet for someone, who happens to be a well known actor / actress, to say that anyone who looks them in the eye should be immediately dismissed for their insubordination smacks of an elevated ego and a weird and convoluted idea of power.

Money can have an odd effect on people.

And the names that were mentioned today are not particularly ‘gifted’ in their field.  If anything, they got lucky.

The thing is if someone scores big in a role, or happens to be stunningly beautiful or both…they are marketed like any other commodity.  The problem is several of them begin to believe the ‘legend’ that they are being sold as.

I hope my book does well.

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But you know, I’ve a host of other things I want to do.

A few years ago I got the idea for a fundraiser for women.  I thought it might be beneficial to have an annual event to raise funds and awareness for several non-profit programs that assist women in crisis.  I formatted the letter head, the idea, and took down names of organizations that would participate.

I had roughed out the schedule of events and the female celebrities that I would approach to participate.

I had letters drafted ready to be sent.

I needed to approach the venue that I wanted to use and get the skinny on that.

Then an issue arose regarding my heart.  I muscled through deciding to get myself good and healthy before I continued on with this endeavor.

On the heels of the heart stuff, cancer paid a rude and uninvited visit.  While I eradicated this from my life I made the decision to start my own company and launch the book.

Keep in mind I’m still working full-time and taking care of an engineering company.  Gotta have a cash flow to pay the bills, you know?

Now I’ve got to figure out how to sell this book that’s I’ve just launched.  What has also resurrected my attention is this fundraiser I thought of a few years back.

So I will fine tune that too.

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If I sold a million books and made a boat load of cash there is this part of me that knows I would never live to excess.  It’s not me.

It would of course be nice not to have to worry about financial issues but I’m not one who would run out and purchase a mansion and hire a staff to maintain it.

The idea of someone else washing my underwear is a little creepy to me, but then that’s just me.  Perhaps it’s my ingrained independence.  I’ve always taken care of myself…kinda sorta.

And what really is a perfect world?

Perfection doesn’t exist, not really.  As much as we want that physical sense of timeless and youthful beauty with all the perceived accruements that go along with this, understand the cost for this conceit.

And when those ‘beautiful people’ who grace our movie and television screens look down at us meer normal mortals, that is typically when  I  lose interest…fast.

We are all connected.  We always will be.  To think otherwise can be very lonely.

What happens on the other side of world will have an impact on me in some form or another.

When I was invited to run in Rick Hansen’s “25th Anniversary Relay Race”  and was awarded a medal as being a difference maker, I can assure you I took this honour seriously.

I want to make a difference through the power of love and forgiveness.

And I know that I’m just one woman and can only do so much.

But at this moment I feel a certain magic. And at the very beginning when I began this blog I spoke of what magic means to me

There is a radiance, a wellspring of wonder that I’m feeling.

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And such a debt of gratitude to each and every person who has ever loved me.

It is this love that has sewn together a heart that was so badly broken and allowed it to heal and expand in a way I could never have imagined even a few years ago.

So thank you to all the people I know and love for encouraging me to find my voice and share it through the written word.

You have saved me.

Peace.

 

 

 

 

Affirmation


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This has been an eventful week at the new job. There was a degree of discord from one of the worker’s there who will be leaving as a result of me assuming all responsibilities.

I am a ‘lovely woman’ whom she see’s herself ‘divorcing’.

I was and am very sympathetic  to her sensibilities.  Still, this is business.  Nothing more.  She can work her ass off trying to prove whatever it is she is caught up in, but I know all too well the bosses’ really have no interest in her personal life.  You need to produce.  Simple as that.

That acceptance as made me very good at my job.  And yes, it has taken awhile to learn these lessons.  Not that I’m  a slow learner…just a very stubborn one at times.:

I hope that the vision I am developing for this company comes to fruition.  I’m all business.  This isn’t about what the company can and should do for me.

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I am the worker bee you see.  This is about saying ‘Lets try doing this and that.  We’ll be more efficient.  More productive.  Better overhead results in higher profits.’

It is quite simply, business.

I’ve learned this the hard way.  You must separate to some degree your personal self with your business self.

Because of my journey I actually have a deeper insight into this.

I left work and arriving home tucked my pages and computer into my backpack.  I decided to head off for dinner and do some editing.

Boston Pizza won the decision for where I would dine.

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As I entered the establishment I looked past the host who was intent on seating me.  My eyes were now trained on an old friend.  I was half engaged with the gentleman who wanted to seat me and the friend whom was in my sight.

Brian.

I’d traversed through the hallowed halls of school from Grade 1 to Grade 11 with him.  We’d put together the 30 year reunion together.  He lives with is wife just a meer block from my domain.

I waved my hand and he looked up then rose to greet and folded me in his arms.

Brian had a stroke three weeks ago. This shocked me.

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He smiled rather sardonically and sadly  stating ‘Aging sucks.’

I laughed and agreed. I told him of my issues.  Discussed the emotional head games these things play out.  Then informed him to commit to a few hours out with Marie and I.

The three of us put together the 30 year reunion.  What I can I tell you is that year of  piecing together out past cemented me to so many aspects of who I used to be.

And I needed that.

So if I see a friend who has suffered, know this.  All the positive energy I have is being directed to your well being.

There are people who so quietly touch your life.  Brian I would say is one of those people.

Yet, there is a profundity to it.

Phone Pics July 2014 069He matters. He has all the school pictures of us from Grade 1 to Grade 11. He sees just me, not the latest invention of who I thought I should be.  Brian has gone through his own hell.  And I guess that’s what we need to embrace and understand about our journey during this life.

Despite our successes and losses…at the end of day…we are all simply human.

And I will always try to offer the most sincere and honest response to someone’s situation.

To those I hold dear…know that it is doubled.

And if you cannot articulate what burdens you… I understand this so deeply. I will not speak for you.  Your voice, your emotions, your feelings are necessary.  All I can do is hopefully give them a face.  Give them voice. Give them life.

Long ago I accepted that my roll in this world is souly dependent upon the organic thought provided to me by simply living.

It sounds simplistic…but really its not.

I commit to this world to assist in bringing an honest and forgiving truth to how we live our lives.

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