A Story To Be Told


Top o’ the morning to all of you!  I’ve been away for a couple of months now.  That is quite a stretch, I know!

Still, I’ve been busy.  I have a new job in downtown Vancouver that I am just loving.  It is great to be part of team.  I am excited and delightfully taking in new information on a daily basis.

I’m working on my second book.  Oh, I’ve got six on the go and for quite some time ‘Insomnia’s Dream‘ was occupying my attention.   I hit the wall in Chapter 15.  I had lost some of what I’d written one night as I poured out a chapter that I thought was fabulous.  And exhausted I didn’t save it.  Oddly this incident seemed to really bring me to a complete halt for that particular story-line.  I began to consider the direction I was going in the telling of the tale.  I read back through the previous chapters and I liked how the story that was unfolding.  In fact there were a few stories developing along with sub-plots.

I didn’t want this project to become a jumbled mess.  And sometimes when I’m in the emotional write state, my sweet little imagination runs just a bit wild.

The idea for this story had changed a few times already and while the plot had pretty much crystallized  I found myself now in a bit of quagmire.  This is a pivotal part of the story and I need to work out a few things so that it will all tie in at the end.

I’ll go back to it in a few months.  By then I’ll know which way I want to go with it.

I looked at my next project.  This was going to be a trilogy.  Still I had some indecision about this one as well.

So for about three weeks I really took a look at all my projects.   I streamlined them, deciding how these tales would eventually unfold, created characters and developed in point form the basic outline.  Yes, they all have a few chapters written at this point.

Still the trilogy was something of a puzzle.  This was the project I had chosen to work on next and I was doing research to ensure my fictional story was authentic, genuine and told with passion for the subject matter.   The subject matter of this story is the written language and our desire to communicate, to record our lives, to tell our truth.

As I slipped off to sleep a few months back the story came to life in my mind’s eye.  I was in that place where I wasn’t quite asleep but not really awake either.  Yet, my awareness was such that I knew this.  And I played out the story-line in those moments. Cemented the idea then drifted off into a blissful slumber.

When I woke in the morning, the trilogy idea was no longer an option.  This would be one story…one book.  At the moment I am still doing research and I am creating chapters.  It’s coming together and I am enjoying the process immensely.   The first draft should be finished by October 2017.  That’s what I’m aiming for.

Stay tuned!

 

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A Truth


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Sunset in Steveston

I sit before this screen thinking about the things I’d like to talk about.  The rush of ideas come fast and furious.  I could surely wax poetic on any number of things; I could rant on any number of issues as well.  There are injustices a plenty that I could champion.

The screen remains empty.

I make my breakfast and pour another cup of coffee.  I gaze out the window at a frozen world.  It’s beautiful.

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The view from my home on Dec 26, 2016

I’m wrapping up a challenging year that was preceded by a few tough years.  I was asked a question at dinner with friends last night ‘What did you take from those experiences, what did you learn?’

Now this was in reference to my bout with cancer and the treatment provided.  It could well apply to the vehicle accident that followed as well.

I responded that we need to ask questions and be kind to ourselves.  And indeed we do. The question remains though.  ‘What did I learn from this?’

And the screen, while I’ve jotted down these thoughts, no answer is readily coming.

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Vancouver from the Ferry in September 2016

I entered 2016 in the metaphorical darkness of depression.  I had felt the all too familiar slide begin.  In truth, I’d been fighting this for quite some time.  2015 had begun with promise.

I was working out with a trainer and running with my group again wanting to take back my health after the cancer thing .  The vehicle accident kibosh-ed my progress.  The pipes in my building flat lined and the building had to be re-piped. For 3 months no hot water. I was attending physiotherapy and the bills began to mount.

My job was stressful yet I kept at it.  Despite the pain, despite the overwhelming cost to fix our building I was beginning to slip.  I’ve never experienced a back injury before and physically my condition was not improving.  I would try to do things, but just walking was an agonizing thing at times.

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A moon to remember

I was living with pain daily.  I wasn’t sleeping.  And I was still recovering from the effects of chemo and radiation.

‘What did I learn from all of this?’

Still an empty screen to this question.

Fear crept in.  Was I going to lose everything I’d worked so hard for?  In many ways I felt completely impotent regarding the direction my life was going.

Did I talk about any of this with anybody?  No.

In my mind, to give it voice would give these feelings validity.  I was in denial.  My financial safety net was gone to the renovations in my building.

I then lost my job.

The quicksand I call depression was pulling me, enveloping me…my strength was gone.

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Sunset December 2016 in Steveston

All of the avenues I’d been exploring…meditation, energy healing, etc. were no longer viable options for me. My head and heart weren’t there.  I was in that all too familiar dark place.

In 2016 I sold my place and recovered some of my costs, though I still have debt, it is now manageable.

I found a condo that is now more of a home than my previous place.  I found another job which I really like.

And a few months back I emerged from the mantle of depression.

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What have I learned from all this?

Perhaps this is an ongoing lesson.  Perhaps the answer has many layers to it.

One thing though, despite the darkness I appreciated and admired every morning that I’ve been graced with.

I still stop and stand in awe of a luminous moon rise and always let those who I’ve been so blessed to have in my life know it.

And I will never give up on myself.  I will never give in to the pain of the past.

There is a balance between the dark and the light that must be found and met.

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I will focus on wellness in 2017.  I will ask for the help that I do in fact need and look to heal and strength my person.

Happy New Year to everyone.

Peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Epiphany…of Sorts


 

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Dyke Rd. in Richmond, BC  Feb. 16, 2016

 

I’ve been absent from this forum.  I know.

Yet surely you’ve experienced those moments when a thousand words fought for a voice within you.  Thoughts and ideas raced at break-neck speed wanting to take shape yet you kept them in the shadows.

I’ve been in that mind set as of late.

Writing projects, good ones, halted.  Why?  I don’t know.

I’m filling up my schedule.  More demands.  More commitments.  More challenges.  Why?  I don’t know.

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I stare at the screen and type a few words then question their meaning.  Why?  I don’t know.

Direction and balance are the things that I’m seeking.  And while I understand, to some degree why, I can say I really am not certain where to go from here.

A year ago I released my book.  And I am so proud and humbled by this achievement.  The last year was a tough one though.  An vehicle accident messed up my back and a work situation became intolerable as a result.

Agony.  It is nothing new.

Why then did I simply accept it as fact?

Change came as it must.

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Am I trying to organize my life too much?  Perhaps.

What I must distinguish is the things that I can influence and the things that I can only pray and hope will change.  Then I need to point myself in the right direction.

And that, my friends, is the $64,000 dollar question. Which way?

The rain is falling.  Been raining a lot as of late.

And I want, I need…

So many things, so many patches have covered this makeshift heart of mine that simply loves and expands.

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Mornings find me buying Tom (our local schizophrenic) his coffee then searching for the sunrise.

I drive past absurd estates in Richmond on my way to work then find myself driving along the rivers edge.

Herons, Eagles, Seagulls, Crows, etc. fly in uniform.

And always I’m treated to and blessed by the differences that each day offers.

Photographs are taken as I take in the beauty and challenge of each day.

And I wish…God knows, I wish…

Never say ‘what if?’

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Every once in a while though, I say just that.

I’m still here.  Still looking at this world each day with wonder, still wanting, still needing, still hoping…

 

 

 

The Man Who Talks to God


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The view from my sofa

I’ve had a lovely holiday season thus far.  I’ve visited with family and friends.  I’ve attended a few gatherings that remind me how fortunate I am.

This has been a tough year.  Yet for all the challenges I’ve had they’ve provided insight into some of the areas I need to focus on.  One of them is most definitely my health and well being.  I’ve got to take back the level of health I was enjoying just a couple of years ago.

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The gal pals from school.

I woke early yesterday.  I didn’t have any coffee which is unusual for me.  I’d meant to pick it up the day before.  These days, however, if I curl up the sofa with my Canucks  blanket tucked about my person then chances of stepping out into the cold again are slim to none.

I bargained with myself that I’d do it first thing in the morning.

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Walking down through the 4th Street overpass yesterday morning shortly after 7:00 AM.

At 7:00 AM I slipped from bed and dressed to go for a walk.  Two hours later I arrived back home.  I’d walked the length of the Quay from the 4th Street Overpass down to the end of New West Waterfront Esplanade.  I’d stopped at Angelina’s for breakfast then I traipsed over the Quayside Drive overpass and stopped at Safeway to pick up my coffee.  Then toddled back home.

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Walking along the Westminster Pier Park walkway watch the sun come up 

I was in pain, though it was moderate.  I know for the next little while any activity I do will leave me in pain, but you know, I just gotta do it.  The alternative is worse.

I then went and had my hair trimmed up and decided to head to downtown Vancouver to use some of the gift cards I received for Christmas.

This is the first shopping trip I’ve made to downtown Vancouver this year which is really odd for me.  My daughter and I decided to meet up and have dinner later in the afternoon as well.

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Out by where I’m now working in Steveston 

I arrived downtown around 1:30 PM.  It has been so beautiful out and the mountains were just glorious!  I decided to have a gander at the new kid on the block being Nordstroms.  It actually looks very much like the one in Seattle.  It is bright, open and accommodating.  It is also outside of my price range.

Still they’ve made every attempt to make customers feel very comfortable regardless of their income.  On the second level is a bar where I watched three men taking photos of their Ceasars! I suppose there is a novelty to this idea of having a drink while you’re out shopping right in the store.

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Canada Place a couple of weeks ago at the Charity Breakfast

I smiled then wondered how much they’d given their wives to spend.  They may well need another drink.

Nordstoms is competing with Holt Renfrew and The Bay in the downtown core.  I’m sure they’ll do well.

I checked out Old Navy then it was on to MAC.  I stopped in at various stores along the way.  I’m on the hunt for some good work shoes for the docks out in Steveston.  Uggs had a nice pair that was just a little too expensive at this time coming in at $255.

I’ll head over to the outlet stores in Queensborough to see if I can find a deal.

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The mountains covered in snow yesterday at 4:30 PM

I made my way down Robson to Burrard then headed toward Mahoney & Sons on the water where I would be meeting my daughter.  I definitely got my 10,000 steps in and I was feeling it.  I was now in need of a bathroom.  I went into the Royal Centre Mall and could not find a public washroom at all.  The Hyatt Regency Lobby claimed to have facilities but I could not find them.  I was running early so I stopped at the Elephant and Castle deciding to use their facilities, have a pint and rest for a bit.

Pulling out my notebook I began to jot down a few thoughts.  A man sitting a few seats over asked me what I was writing about.  He also told me I had bronchitis when I coughed. I smiled and told that no, I didn’t have this affliction.

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Steveston a couple of weeks ago in the morning

He continued to ask me questions periodically to which I would reply.  A text message made it clear I’d be here a little longer so decided to give up the writing quest and chat with the fellow beside me.  I’ve always enjoyed conversing with people.  I’m seldom intimidated and if the conversation gets uncomfortable, then I politely excuse myself.

He asked me what I thought God was.  Quite the ice breakers.

I told him that to me God was an entity of pure energy that resided within all of us and a.k.a. love.  He spoke of the big bang theory, the collision of light and dark matter.  He spoke of time and our human failings.  It was an interesting conversation.  He told me God speaks through him and that life is about love and compassion.  He went on to tell me that he was clairvoyant as well.

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At the Vancouver Trade & Convention Centre yesterday

Smiling he told me I’m an old soul.  I’ve been told this in the past as well.  He wanted to pay for my drink and buy me another.  I politely declined.  It really wasn’t necessary.  He told me I’d write about him.  I grinned and said yes, I most likely would.  He claimed to have money and lot of it and he was having issues with his family.

We did not exchange names.  There was something very familiar about him though and there was a sadness that resonated through him.  He told me I still have some anger issues.  This is true, though I’m aware and working on these aspects of self.

We spoke about dimensions and the need to get out of the 3rd dimension and into the 4th and beyond.  Now, you may be thinking that he was a little out there.  The odd thing is I’ve been researching all of these things for many years now.

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The world contained at the Vancouver Trade & Convention Centre

Some of the posts I’ve written on this blog deal with these topics as well.

It was time to leave.  I think he would have talked well into the night had I remained.  I wished him well then went to freshen up a bit.  As I left the establishment I noted he was no longer there.

Later when I got home certain parts of this conversation came back to me.  He asked me if I could ask God anything what would it be.  After a few minutes of consideraton I decided that I’d ask if I was done with the health issues I’ve experienced.

The answer was interesting.  If I didn’t want them back then I was in the clear and would live a long life.  And oddly this made sense.

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Winter foliage on the Quay in New West yesterday morning

Now it’s about health and wellness.  I’ve got a long road ahead of me.

The other thing that intrigued me was a comment that he made about the anger issues that are still ongoing.  This is negative energy of which I’m aware.  I described it as peeling back layers of an onion.  You think you’ve dealt with everything only to find yet another issue that needs to be addressed.

“Before you go to sleep tonight, count to eight, then think about the relationship between you father and his dad.  There may be some answers there. ” he instructed.

This struck simply because I never spoke about my family at all and this is indeed a relationship I know very little about.

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Santa’s a little hung up on the Quay in New West yesterday

The conversation had been very much about the great beyond and our place in it.  Dark matter will swallow light if you let it and in many ways he is right in that we are in this struggle currently on our planet.

If we give in to fear and anger it will consume us.  Not a good place to be.

And as I walked down to meet my daughter for dinner I thought of how good it was to converse with a stranger about the state of everything.

And there have been several times in my life when those conversations have indeed steered me in a direction I’d not thought of previously.  Sometimes they open the mind just a little more.

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What a lovely way to commemorate those you loved. Located at the Quay in New West

And sometimes it’s just great chatting with someone you don’t know and will likely never cross paths with again.

Peace.

 

 

 

 

MILESTONES AND MILES TO GO!


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600TH POST!!!!!

I am celebrating today.  Celebrating a few things actually but for the most part I am celebrating life and the fact that I’m still here!

This is my 600th Post!

Woo Hoo!

I thought of developing an in depth piece to mark this moment.  Instead I’ve decided to just keep it simple.

December 6th, 2015 marks the 4th year of this blog.

It also marks 4 years since I had the heart procedure done.

And…drum roll please!

It has now been 2 years since Cancer treatment ended.

I stopped radiation treatment on December 6, 2013.  My body had had enough!

Over the last four years I’ve written and published my first book ‘WITH THIS IN MIND’.
I’ve run a ½ Marathon, been part of Rick Hansen’s 25th Anniversary Relay celebration and been asked to make a difference in this world.

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I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and moved toward public speaking with Toastmasters and the Royal City Literary Arts Society.

And I’ve met some absolutely extraordinary people that I now happily call friends.

There are also those who’ve been in my life for such a long time now.  To them I say “I could not have gotten to this point in my life without your love and support.  Thank you.”

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I am blessed.

 

These last four years have not been easy.  They have been remarkably rewarding, however, in oh so many ways.

And so I am moving forward, to where only time will tell.

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To everyone who has followed me on my blog, I thank you.

Cheers and Peace Out!

 

 

 

Time Be Flyin’ and the Beloved Characters on ‘Game of Thrones’ Be Dyin’!


 

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This year has quite literally ripped past me with the speed of somethin’.

I think I had it in my head that by June 2015 I would surely have sold at least 100,000 copies of my book!  I would be getting ready to retire and devote myself to writing on a full time basis and begin the process of publishing others and building a giant of a company built on free thought, passion and creative genius!

I don’t expect much, do I, considering that I released the book in February 2015.

I am, of course, being a bit of tool here.

Realizing that public speaking was going to be a part of this journey that I’ve chosen and having done it a couple of times and in that process became a pool of human slush while I trembled and quaked before the masses (I’m exaggerating, of course), I joined Toastmasters.

I am trying to discover the key to distribution in book stores.  I have expanded distribution online and a small book store in New Westminster is carry a few copies of my book.

Now I contacted Chapters who referred me to iUniverse and everyday for close to two months Jessica Abbney has left me a message.  I will call her back, but what this iUniverse thing is appears to like an Authorhouse type thing where you pay them to publish your book.  I’ve published it.  Now I just want to distribute it.

My hot water is back on, though it’s still rather tepid.

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I am finishing up physio and beginning active rehab to assist in recovering from the accident.  At this very moment, I’m exhausted.

I’m getting out and going for walks and end up being in absolute agony as the hips have a tendency to lock up on me these days.  Oye!

Also I’ve been practicing my writing of prose and poetry.

Have I mentioned I’m a little tired?

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Keeping a clear head is paramount these days.

In the meantime I’m ordering and selling books on my own and I’ve been humbled by the gracious comments that the book has garnered and I’d like to share this with you from the Amazon site.

Most helpful customer reviews

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Arlene on April 26 2015
Format: Paperback

Nancy writes a powerful account of survival, being a child in an abusive upbringing and her long and uphill fight to find her true worth and embrace it as a grown woman and mother. Her story is well written and compelling!
By Kelly Mitchell on May 12, 2015
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase

I truly appreciate being able to read a story that is so bravely written! From start to finish, I felt like a part of Nancy’s struggles and accomplishments. This is such a motivating story and proves how anyone who has been dealt a bad hand can make a choice to make their life better. Thank you for sharing your story with me!
So I will continue on in this vein and try to keep thing rolling along.  Lately it’s the time thing. But I’ll keep the machine going.
Back in March 2015 I did something I’ve never done.  I ‘binge’ watched a TV series.  I initially started to watch ‘Game of Thrones’ part way through the 3rd season.  It was now available to me to watch all four seasons in their entirety then launch into the new season.
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That show consumed me!  Sundays I’d get up early, do my laundry and other relative domestic duties.  I’d clean myself up, kinda sorta, because I had no hot water and dependent upon how my back was feeling…I’d sit to take in an episode of ‘Game of Thrones’.
This series has seriously brought out every emotion in me.  Last night was the finale for Season 5.  And I’m still in shock, still mad as hell, still….
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I’ve not read the books though I will but after the series wraps.  I’m enjoying the ‘shock & awe’ aspect that this series has inspired.
Still, did they have to kill off John Snow?  But…is he dead.  While ‘binge’ watching the show I did pick up on a number of nuances.  What pisses me off is I have to wait another 8-9 months to find out what the writers doth do.
So we were left with Daenerys and a sickly dragon and she is surrounded by the horse people.
Cersei having walked her atonement will either buckle or become incredibly dangerous.  I’ve a feeling next season will see her darkness truly shine.
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Arya, well I’ve a feeling she’s going to be a killer of sorts, all in good time.  There is a price for everything.
Stannis got what he deserved and the poisoning thing is getting old.
Well, maybe by the time the 6th Season of ‘Game of Thrones’ begins I’ll have sold those 100,000 plus books.
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Dreams are better when they come true.
Peace out.

Imagine….


 

I rose early this morning.  It is not quite 10:30 AM and I have all my domestic duties done.  It has at times been a struggle.  I am now 16 weeks into the whole ‘no hot water’ debacle here at home.  The challenge of bathing and cleaning and adopting the guise of water bearer, and one with a bad back at that, has been tough.  Home hasn’t felt quite so homey.  The end is now in sight.  June 12th, 2015 marks the completion date for the re-piping of the building.

My anger peaked around six weeks ago.  You may recall the rant I offered up on this forum which was a little on the melodramatic side. 🙂

The biggest issue has been the lack of communication.  All we;ve seen are posts of when they’ll need access to certain suites wallpapered on doors as the walls and ceilings in the hallways are now exposed.

Just one progress report was forthcoming after my rant.  Why they can’t take the time to write and post a short paragraph weekly and upload it to our building’s website or to our property manager is beyond me.

Had they done this I don’t believe the tempers would have flared the way they have.

So I am still working on a rather intense post regarding time.   I’ve also joined Toastmasters and will be reading my first speech on this coming Tuesday.  I’m working on distribution for the book still, working me arse off and will be entering physical rehab with a kinesiolgist.  Hopefully this will be the final hurdle to help me regain the level health I enjoyed two years ago.

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I just want to feel good.

I’ve given myself the challenge of writing a poem everyday for the next thirty days.  Just thought it might be a fun thing to do.  If at day fifteen I’ve become a mad woman, obsessed and manic…

No, wait a moment…I already am.

I’m being silly.  I have been out taking a few photos so I thought I would share those with you on this beautiful Sunday morning.

Enjoy!

This first series was taken a week ago down at False Creek South in the Science World and Athletes Village portion.  Major construction has been underway in this area over the last five years converting this former industrial wasteland into a vibrant community.

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Talk about a beautiful evening sky.  Downtown Vancouver and BC Place can be seen silhouetted below

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BC Place now has a remarkable retractable roof though it often reminds me of a spaceship and the iconic Woodwards ‘W’ once a beacon in Vancouver.

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Science World at dusk

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Science World as the sun sets

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Spacey looking walkways and giant birds!

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Canada Geese goslings.  Too cute!  The Vancouver Salt Building is now home to CRAFT a gastro pub.  False Creek has been home to many breweries over the years.  There is now an explosion of micro-breweries in this area.  From Molson’s, Granville Island Brewery, Steel Toad, Red Truck, Craft and the Flying Pig just to name a few.

And yes, we make damn good beer!

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Looking westward along False Creek South.  Downtown Vancouver rises in the background.

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Lighting features that compliment some to the buildings’ cosmetic makeup in the area.  Geese having a early evening bath.

I am in desperate need of decent tripod.  I had purchased what I thought was a pretty good one and it turned out to be sadly lacking.  This was a photo walk with my group titled ‘Dusk to Dark’.

Unfortunately, once night fell, without the benefit of a tripod I could not continue on.  Next time I’ll have a good one.

The next series found me going for a stroll along the river very close to my home.  Spring is in full swing as is evidenced by the florals and bees are busy as are ants!

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I just happened to be admiring the sky when this eagle happened to slip into my viewfinder.  And here a bee bumbling about.

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The Fraser River is really low at the moment.  We didn’t have much of a winter at all and while we’ve had some rain, we need more.

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Capturing images of ants and water droplets.

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Beautiful flowers that line the river’s boardwalk.

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The colours are exquisite this year!

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Baby ducklings swim where the coy fish usually are.  The fish weren’t poking about the surface but this little guy and lily pads were.

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The mighty muddy Fraser River.

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This is taken from the Quayside overpass looking east along Columbia Street which is the downtown core of New Westminster.

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They’ve covered this power utility box with historical images of the police force.  The center image is the Hyack Square which now is home to the ‘Wait For Me Daddy’ monument.

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Some images of the Anvil’s Centre’s angles.  Beautiful building.

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And this is at one end of the boardwalk on the Quay.  Now Downtown New West is indeed a short walk from here.  Metrotown, however, is a shopping mall in Burnaby!  It is NOT on the river at all and well it would be an incredibly long walk.  Not too sure why this sign was put up.

Below is a map.  It would take approximately two hours to walk their and the distance is 7 1/2 km.  A lot of hills on this walk as well.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this photo montage.  Have a great day.

https://ca.maps.yahoo.com/e/?lat=49.21417710832532&lon=-122.9610013961792&bb=49.23940103%2C-123.0264473%2C49.18894031%2C-122.8955555&o=1305%20Quayside%20Dr%2C%20New%20Westminster%2C%20BC%20V3M&d=4664%20Kingsway%2C%20Burnaby%2C%20BC%20V5H%204L9&mode=6