Silver Linings


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I am a person who will experience an epiphany and suddenly the whole world and my existence in it makes perfect sense.  Yet as quickly as the insight arrived it sinks faster than the Titanic back into the abyss of my subconscious.  And for me it is a shadow that I will try to pursue, try to recover and analyze.

Usually I have no idea what I’m doing or what I’m trying to discover.  And I just realized that is one of the absolute joys in living this life.

Being open and present.

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I would like to say that I’m open to new ideologies. new thoughts, however, I really don’t think there is anything really new about much of the information that draws me in.   The thing that changes is perspective.  Of how we see something, of how we regard our place in this world and participate in it.

For example, back in the day…way, way back human sacrifice to the Gods was acceptable and considered necessary.  The idea of having angry Gods was a frightening factor no doubt.

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And I often have these questions that creep into my mind’s eye regarding our existence.  How is it that we came to chart the stars?  How is it that we came to understand that they would never change and guide us on midnight journeys across foreign lands and oceans?

Back in 1632 Galileo would be tried and found guilty of heresy regarding his findings that the Earth was in fact circular and orbited around the Sun.

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And mathematics has had a long history in this world and just as I ponder how the written word came into being I too wonder how it is that the science of math began its journey as well.  I would think some of the first measurements would have been made by our own appendages of fingers, feet and hands.   Of course cycles such as daily, monthly, seasonal and birthing became recognized.

But how is it that someone decided they wanted to measure the speed of light from one star system to our own?

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Unfortunately a lot of information has been destroyed and lost to us over the millenniums.  And there is apparently information that the powers that be feel we should not be privy to.

I look for the silver linings in pretty much everything.  There is always a lesson to be learned or a fascinating piece of knowledge tucked away.

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If I rise each day with the idea that I’m open to learning, open to discovering more of what constitutes life and its infinite layers then this is a good thing.  And while I know that life has the bookends of birth and death…it is the fabric in between that we weave that fascinates and humbles me.

Namaste.

 

 

 

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On a Lighter Note…Problem Solving 101


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So much strife exists these days.  And me?  Well I get on my blog and rant about the state of this world.

Then the latest incident hit regarding Apple vs. FBI.

Now I could go on a rant here as well but I will simply say that I’m on Apple’s side in all this and I don’t even own an iPhone.

I’ve got a Smartphone Android that likes to show me just how incompetent I am on a daily basis.

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Technology is moving at an unbelievably fast pace.  A documentary I viewed the other evening spoke of computer chips being injected into us humans and correcting all of our ailments.  This is to happen by 2030 which really is the not so distant future.

During my drive to work the other morning I witnessed a beautiful sunrise. Frost had kissed blades of grass and trees during the midnight hours.

And while I was pondering the fate of this world and taking in the beauty of a new day, I glanced in the rear-view mirror.

Horrified at my image with this hair…

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

Now I’ve not complained about my hair in a good long while.  Indeed, after chemo left me bald I swore I would never complain again.  Even when my hair threatened to come in as curly do giving me the appearance of a cherub that scared me more than you’ll ever know.

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And as I thought about the FBI wanting technology to unlock a terrorist’s phone and Donald Trump wanting to build higher walls to keep out the ‘bad guys’ along the border should he become President, I also pondered concerns about global warming and how the price of everything is crazy.

What would make me really happy at the moment I considered?

Well, all I want is wash and wear hair.  Just to look lovely from sun up to sundown.

Oh, I’ve met those tortuous beauties so kind and gentle with locks that bounce and glisten in the sun.

Even when the rains have come, their hair defies the dampness and takes on a life of its own.

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And here I am, so petty in my wanting, that I covet the hair of my betters while this world sinks even further into despair.

How sad.  It would seem I am not the prolific and profound suffragette that I thought I was.

Then it struck me!

I phoned and made the appointment with my hairdresser at the end of March!

If I can find solace and peace with my hair, a truce perhaps, just maybe there will be hope for the rest of this world!

I believe! I believe! I believe!

 

An Epiphany…of Sorts


 

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Dyke Rd. in Richmond, BC  Feb. 16, 2016

 

I’ve been absent from this forum.  I know.

Yet surely you’ve experienced those moments when a thousand words fought for a voice within you.  Thoughts and ideas raced at break-neck speed wanting to take shape yet you kept them in the shadows.

I’ve been in that mind set as of late.

Writing projects, good ones, halted.  Why?  I don’t know.

I’m filling up my schedule.  More demands.  More commitments.  More challenges.  Why?  I don’t know.

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I stare at the screen and type a few words then question their meaning.  Why?  I don’t know.

Direction and balance are the things that I’m seeking.  And while I understand, to some degree why, I can say I really am not certain where to go from here.

A year ago I released my book.  And I am so proud and humbled by this achievement.  The last year was a tough one though.  An vehicle accident messed up my back and a work situation became intolerable as a result.

Agony.  It is nothing new.

Why then did I simply accept it as fact?

Change came as it must.

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Am I trying to organize my life too much?  Perhaps.

What I must distinguish is the things that I can influence and the things that I can only pray and hope will change.  Then I need to point myself in the right direction.

And that, my friends, is the $64,000 dollar question. Which way?

The rain is falling.  Been raining a lot as of late.

And I want, I need…

So many things, so many patches have covered this makeshift heart of mine that simply loves and expands.

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Mornings find me buying Tom (our local schizophrenic) his coffee then searching for the sunrise.

I drive past absurd estates in Richmond on my way to work then find myself driving along the rivers edge.

Herons, Eagles, Seagulls, Crows, etc. fly in uniform.

And always I’m treated to and blessed by the differences that each day offers.

Photographs are taken as I take in the beauty and challenge of each day.

And I wish…God knows, I wish…

Never say ‘what if?’

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Every once in a while though, I say just that.

I’m still here.  Still looking at this world each day with wonder, still wanting, still needing, still hoping…

 

 

 

The Man Who Talks to God


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The view from my sofa

I’ve had a lovely holiday season thus far.  I’ve visited with family and friends.  I’ve attended a few gatherings that remind me how fortunate I am.

This has been a tough year.  Yet for all the challenges I’ve had they’ve provided insight into some of the areas I need to focus on.  One of them is most definitely my health and well being.  I’ve got to take back the level of health I was enjoying just a couple of years ago.

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The gal pals from school.

I woke early yesterday.  I didn’t have any coffee which is unusual for me.  I’d meant to pick it up the day before.  These days, however, if I curl up the sofa with my Canucks  blanket tucked about my person then chances of stepping out into the cold again are slim to none.

I bargained with myself that I’d do it first thing in the morning.

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Walking down through the 4th Street overpass yesterday morning shortly after 7:00 AM.

At 7:00 AM I slipped from bed and dressed to go for a walk.  Two hours later I arrived back home.  I’d walked the length of the Quay from the 4th Street Overpass down to the end of New West Waterfront Esplanade.  I’d stopped at Angelina’s for breakfast then I traipsed over the Quayside Drive overpass and stopped at Safeway to pick up my coffee.  Then toddled back home.

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Walking along the Westminster Pier Park walkway watch the sun come up 

I was in pain, though it was moderate.  I know for the next little while any activity I do will leave me in pain, but you know, I just gotta do it.  The alternative is worse.

I then went and had my hair trimmed up and decided to head to downtown Vancouver to use some of the gift cards I received for Christmas.

This is the first shopping trip I’ve made to downtown Vancouver this year which is really odd for me.  My daughter and I decided to meet up and have dinner later in the afternoon as well.

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Out by where I’m now working in Steveston 

I arrived downtown around 1:30 PM.  It has been so beautiful out and the mountains were just glorious!  I decided to have a gander at the new kid on the block being Nordstroms.  It actually looks very much like the one in Seattle.  It is bright, open and accommodating.  It is also outside of my price range.

Still they’ve made every attempt to make customers feel very comfortable regardless of their income.  On the second level is a bar where I watched three men taking photos of their Ceasars! I suppose there is a novelty to this idea of having a drink while you’re out shopping right in the store.

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Canada Place a couple of weeks ago at the Charity Breakfast

I smiled then wondered how much they’d given their wives to spend.  They may well need another drink.

Nordstoms is competing with Holt Renfrew and The Bay in the downtown core.  I’m sure they’ll do well.

I checked out Old Navy then it was on to MAC.  I stopped in at various stores along the way.  I’m on the hunt for some good work shoes for the docks out in Steveston.  Uggs had a nice pair that was just a little too expensive at this time coming in at $255.

I’ll head over to the outlet stores in Queensborough to see if I can find a deal.

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The mountains covered in snow yesterday at 4:30 PM

I made my way down Robson to Burrard then headed toward Mahoney & Sons on the water where I would be meeting my daughter.  I definitely got my 10,000 steps in and I was feeling it.  I was now in need of a bathroom.  I went into the Royal Centre Mall and could not find a public washroom at all.  The Hyatt Regency Lobby claimed to have facilities but I could not find them.  I was running early so I stopped at the Elephant and Castle deciding to use their facilities, have a pint and rest for a bit.

Pulling out my notebook I began to jot down a few thoughts.  A man sitting a few seats over asked me what I was writing about.  He also told me I had bronchitis when I coughed. I smiled and told that no, I didn’t have this affliction.

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Steveston a couple of weeks ago in the morning

He continued to ask me questions periodically to which I would reply.  A text message made it clear I’d be here a little longer so decided to give up the writing quest and chat with the fellow beside me.  I’ve always enjoyed conversing with people.  I’m seldom intimidated and if the conversation gets uncomfortable, then I politely excuse myself.

He asked me what I thought God was.  Quite the ice breakers.

I told him that to me God was an entity of pure energy that resided within all of us and a.k.a. love.  He spoke of the big bang theory, the collision of light and dark matter.  He spoke of time and our human failings.  It was an interesting conversation.  He told me God speaks through him and that life is about love and compassion.  He went on to tell me that he was clairvoyant as well.

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At the Vancouver Trade & Convention Centre yesterday

Smiling he told me I’m an old soul.  I’ve been told this in the past as well.  He wanted to pay for my drink and buy me another.  I politely declined.  It really wasn’t necessary.  He told me I’d write about him.  I grinned and said yes, I most likely would.  He claimed to have money and lot of it and he was having issues with his family.

We did not exchange names.  There was something very familiar about him though and there was a sadness that resonated through him.  He told me I still have some anger issues.  This is true, though I’m aware and working on these aspects of self.

We spoke about dimensions and the need to get out of the 3rd dimension and into the 4th and beyond.  Now, you may be thinking that he was a little out there.  The odd thing is I’ve been researching all of these things for many years now.

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The world contained at the Vancouver Trade & Convention Centre

Some of the posts I’ve written on this blog deal with these topics as well.

It was time to leave.  I think he would have talked well into the night had I remained.  I wished him well then went to freshen up a bit.  As I left the establishment I noted he was no longer there.

Later when I got home certain parts of this conversation came back to me.  He asked me if I could ask God anything what would it be.  After a few minutes of consideraton I decided that I’d ask if I was done with the health issues I’ve experienced.

The answer was interesting.  If I didn’t want them back then I was in the clear and would live a long life.  And oddly this made sense.

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Winter foliage on the Quay in New West yesterday morning

Now it’s about health and wellness.  I’ve got a long road ahead of me.

The other thing that intrigued me was a comment that he made about the anger issues that are still ongoing.  This is negative energy of which I’m aware.  I described it as peeling back layers of an onion.  You think you’ve dealt with everything only to find yet another issue that needs to be addressed.

“Before you go to sleep tonight, count to eight, then think about the relationship between you father and his dad.  There may be some answers there. ” he instructed.

This struck simply because I never spoke about my family at all and this is indeed a relationship I know very little about.

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Santa’s a little hung up on the Quay in New West yesterday

The conversation had been very much about the great beyond and our place in it.  Dark matter will swallow light if you let it and in many ways he is right in that we are in this struggle currently on our planet.

If we give in to fear and anger it will consume us.  Not a good place to be.

And as I walked down to meet my daughter for dinner I thought of how good it was to converse with a stranger about the state of everything.

And there have been several times in my life when those conversations have indeed steered me in a direction I’d not thought of previously.  Sometimes they open the mind just a little more.

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What a lovely way to commemorate those you loved. Located at the Quay in New West

And sometimes it’s just great chatting with someone you don’t know and will likely never cross paths with again.

Peace.

 

 

 

 

Time Be Flyin’ and the Beloved Characters on ‘Game of Thrones’ Be Dyin’!


 

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This year has quite literally ripped past me with the speed of somethin’.

I think I had it in my head that by June 2015 I would surely have sold at least 100,000 copies of my book!  I would be getting ready to retire and devote myself to writing on a full time basis and begin the process of publishing others and building a giant of a company built on free thought, passion and creative genius!

I don’t expect much, do I, considering that I released the book in February 2015.

I am, of course, being a bit of tool here.

Realizing that public speaking was going to be a part of this journey that I’ve chosen and having done it a couple of times and in that process became a pool of human slush while I trembled and quaked before the masses (I’m exaggerating, of course), I joined Toastmasters.

I am trying to discover the key to distribution in book stores.  I have expanded distribution online and a small book store in New Westminster is carry a few copies of my book.

Now I contacted Chapters who referred me to iUniverse and everyday for close to two months Jessica Abbney has left me a message.  I will call her back, but what this iUniverse thing is appears to like an Authorhouse type thing where you pay them to publish your book.  I’ve published it.  Now I just want to distribute it.

My hot water is back on, though it’s still rather tepid.

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I am finishing up physio and beginning active rehab to assist in recovering from the accident.  At this very moment, I’m exhausted.

I’m getting out and going for walks and end up being in absolute agony as the hips have a tendency to lock up on me these days.  Oye!

Also I’ve been practicing my writing of prose and poetry.

Have I mentioned I’m a little tired?

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Keeping a clear head is paramount these days.

In the meantime I’m ordering and selling books on my own and I’ve been humbled by the gracious comments that the book has garnered and I’d like to share this with you from the Amazon site.

Most helpful customer reviews

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Arlene on April 26 2015
Format: Paperback

Nancy writes a powerful account of survival, being a child in an abusive upbringing and her long and uphill fight to find her true worth and embrace it as a grown woman and mother. Her story is well written and compelling!
By Kelly Mitchell on May 12, 2015
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase

I truly appreciate being able to read a story that is so bravely written! From start to finish, I felt like a part of Nancy’s struggles and accomplishments. This is such a motivating story and proves how anyone who has been dealt a bad hand can make a choice to make their life better. Thank you for sharing your story with me!
So I will continue on in this vein and try to keep thing rolling along.  Lately it’s the time thing. But I’ll keep the machine going.
Back in March 2015 I did something I’ve never done.  I ‘binge’ watched a TV series.  I initially started to watch ‘Game of Thrones’ part way through the 3rd season.  It was now available to me to watch all four seasons in their entirety then launch into the new season.
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That show consumed me!  Sundays I’d get up early, do my laundry and other relative domestic duties.  I’d clean myself up, kinda sorta, because I had no hot water and dependent upon how my back was feeling…I’d sit to take in an episode of ‘Game of Thrones’.
This series has seriously brought out every emotion in me.  Last night was the finale for Season 5.  And I’m still in shock, still mad as hell, still….
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I’ve not read the books though I will but after the series wraps.  I’m enjoying the ‘shock & awe’ aspect that this series has inspired.
Still, did they have to kill off John Snow?  But…is he dead.  While ‘binge’ watching the show I did pick up on a number of nuances.  What pisses me off is I have to wait another 8-9 months to find out what the writers doth do.
So we were left with Daenerys and a sickly dragon and she is surrounded by the horse people.
Cersei having walked her atonement will either buckle or become incredibly dangerous.  I’ve a feeling next season will see her darkness truly shine.
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Arya, well I’ve a feeling she’s going to be a killer of sorts, all in good time.  There is a price for everything.
Stannis got what he deserved and the poisoning thing is getting old.
Well, maybe by the time the 6th Season of ‘Game of Thrones’ begins I’ll have sold those 100,000 plus books.
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Dreams are better when they come true.
Peace out.

The Moment in Time


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A few nights ago I attended a short story open mic event. I noted that many of us seemed to collectively be in a mood to reflect and ponder on this world and the space that surrounds us.

A few of my fellow writers’ shared those moments when they realized that the world was far bigger than they could ever imagine and that the space they were gazing out at could well be infinite.

This induced a rather deep and ponderous thought process for me.

I began to study a little deeper the time factor after writing the piece inspired by the phrase ‘Time Died.’

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I have been reviewing calendars and when they came into being.  I’ve been researching civilizations and when they too began to develop in earnest, and then of course there is my fascination with the written word and its evolution.

And all that I have read over the last few days has sparked the detective in me to try and find out some of life’s little mysteries.

I’m going to begin by following the importance of the Mayan calendar for the moment simply because there are some rather interesting facts that seem to correspond with this particular calendar and the manner by which it tells time and records history.

Five ages, each one 5,125 years approximately in length, have now passed in accordance with the timeline the calendar offers us. The most recent age to have completed its cycle occurred in December 2012.  We have now entered the sixth age.

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I will try to create a brief timeline based upon the Mayan cycle of an Age.

Mayan culture wasn’t around when these ‘Ages’ began.  How is it that the Mayans came upon this knowledge and how is it that they ascertained it meaning that resulted in an exquisitely detailed calendar?

So many questions are slipping through me at this moment.

When did humanity have its ‘Aha!’ moment?

When did we collectively decide to record certain events? When did we begin to see the patterns the stars had mapped out for us?

And then begin to move around this planet based upon their guidance.

What I’ve found is that when I referenced the calendar certain very critical events in our evolution occurred in approximation with the calendar and its timeline.

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The hunt was one of the first events to be recorded as many caves worldwide will tell us.

Several old caves containing Stone Age parietal art can be found in central India, South Africa, Australia, Namibia, Argentina and South-East Asia, among other locations around the world.

What occurred to inspire this activity?

When did we collectively begin to draw images of animals and tell stories through song?

Did humankind lay staring at the stars and have that moment of beautiful awareness of what they were and what they could become?

Or did something happen?

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Home Sapiens have been around for at least 200,000 some odd years. It appears our species didn’t rush into the idea of civilization.

Like much of the life on this planet they likely lived simply and instinctually.

Much has been said about the Neanderthal and how they in fact died out.

Sure, there were obvious similarities between Neanderthal and Homo Sapiens of the day. There is no doubt that they met and co-mingled.

What would that experience have been like?

Your tribe is roaming this globe in search of food and water. In search of shelter and you come upon another being that looks somewhat like you…but different.

Were they afraid? Angry? Territorial?

And at some point around 35,000 some odd years ago humans began to record things.

Hand prints also began to litter the walls of caves worldwide.

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Why?

(I was here)

That is the message that reaches out across the span of time. They had found an awareness of who they were and they didn’t want to be forgotten? In the images recorded what is it that they were trying to tell us?

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Fabulous drawings began to adorn the walls of caves worldwide.

How is it that this phenomenon struck the inhabitants of this globe collectively?

What event precipitated this sense of keeping records? What instilled the desire and necessity to make it so?

A hand print on a wall is most definitely a record.

The Cave Chauvet in France is one the most pristine caves filled with art in such magnificent detail.

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And I have to wonder how it came to be so popular worldwide at that time considering they did not have mass communications…or did they?

Perhaps they did, only it was in a very different format than what we might imagine.

Every culture, every cave dweller would come to know the stars and their importance and they would come to know how to read them in order to note where they were on this planet.

How did they come by this knowledge?

That is why I am convinced that at some point collectively all humans from all the corners of this earth witnessed something quite remarkable.

Did they witness the arrival of the Gods?   Visitations perhaps?

Early humans would not have known just how expansive space really was and I can see how they imagined the Gods sitting upon those lofty clouds gazing down at the lot of them.

The similarity in stories world wide regarding the advent of God is remarkabley close. What changes is the interpretation of what was witnessed.  This too speaks to human nature.

At one point a few cultures had twelve such Gods running amok.  These beings had a variety of skills and powers.

Civilization had been born at this point. A hierarchy had been created to feed it that still exists to this day.

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Somewhere along the way the idea of God was whittled down to just one entity.

Strangely or perhaps not, various cultures chose different definitions of this singular God to represent them, protect or define them.

It was in the fourth age that civilization seems to emerged and began form and develop.

And it was during the formation of this civilization thing that time was truly established and cycles were set down.

And how did we come to have the calendar that we currently have? This too has been changed over the course of time.

I had to smile as I read about the above as it seems we’ve really muddled through on recording time and its cycles.  From the Roman calendar, which was rather complicated as it only had ten months and the winter season was not included so there were 61 days unaccounted for. Curious.  The Julian calendar remedied this by adhering to the lunar cycles.  Still there were errors that were corrected when the Gregorian calendar was introduced back in 1532 or thereabouts.

Theories abound! And not all countries adopted the new calendar.

Geometrics then come into play. Between the 3rd and 4th Ages in accordance with the Mayan calendar a whole lot of building began to take place.

We are talking big building! Massive big, man!

Pyramids, temples, Stonehenge…

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Again…not just in one location but all over this globe and likely there were many that did not stand the test of time or may well have been destroyed.

Behind the erection of these monuments there seems to have been a underlying call of divinity? Is this when men began to equate themselves as Gods?

The misinterpretation of power.

And we today have the conceit and ignorance to say they did not have the technology to do what they did regardless of the fact that these monuments stand before us as testament that indeed it was done.

Power is and always has been an intoxicating elixir.

Those at the helm of these projects must have indeed felt like gods.

Was this our imminent downfall?

Did we hunger for the knowledge that was bestowed upon us? Did we, in our human condition, decide at some point that we knew better?

Was there some level of anger shown toward the children of the stars sent to instruct us? In our infancy did we demand to much?

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And at the moment my imagination is skipping back to the innocence of when awareness truly occurred.

I see a meeting between early humans and star travelers. I see an intense and beautiful curiosity from both.

Did our space travelers ignore their own ‘prime directive’ (i.e. Star Trek) and feed us information that may wall have been forbidden to give?

Were we an experiment on a grand scale?

Where did the knowledge of the early sciences come from?

Mathematics, charting the stars, masonry, architecture?

All of these are exact in their implementation. They must be else wise they fail.

Travel, velocity and art are but conundrums in the grand scheme of things.

This planet hurdles through space on a daily basis. Not two days are ever the same.

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And were we, as humans, seeds that were planted amongst the stars?

And I must wonder if we were forgotten in this expanse we know as space.

There are times when as I slip into sleep or begin my ascent from it that the whisper of a long ago time speaks to me.

I was there.

Peace to all of you.

 

Below are some of the websites I found of interest in putting this piece together.  Thanks.

http://www.historyworld.net/wrldhis/PlainTextHistories.asp?historyid=ab25

http://www.walkinthelight.ca/History%20of%20the%20Calendar.htm

http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2013/04/the-origin-of-the-7-day-week-and-the-names-of-the-days-of-the-week/

http://www.evoanth.net/2015/03/12/retracing-the-evolution-of-language/