The Heart of the Matter


Fireworks Aug 1, 2015 014

Sunset as viewed from Burrard St. Bridge, Aug 1, 2015

I’ve been rather absent from this forum over the last few weeks, I know.  Much has been going on and at this moment I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and exhausted by all of it.

A few weeks back on a Friday evening I went for dinner and tapped out a heartfelt blog post.  I expressed all the issues that I’ve been faced with and how I was trying to deal.
Upon finishing my dinner, close to 1,000 words had been tapped out. I proofed it and then just like that…it disappeared.  I’m not certain if I hit something in error but my writings were gone.  I would later notice that the ‘move to trash’ key was right next to ‘publish’.

It wasn’t in trash either so perhaps it was moved there then later through my fumbling, was erased for good.

Dizzy-Smiley

I took a deep breath and released an agonizing sigh.

Later in the evening I tried to reproduce what I’d penned earlier but this was unsuccessful. My heart just wasn’t in it and I was exhausted.
It is now Sunday evening and I’m just chillin’
In the morning I have to go in for day one of the nuclear test on my heart. I’ve had this test done before and for the life of me I cannot remember what was done.
Day one is 4-6 hours in length. Day 2 is about 3 hours.

I am praying that everything is okay.

The other development has been the building I live in. I had to come up with a big chunk of money for the re-piping and restoration that has been ongoing since mid-March of this year.

Once the work is done I’ve conceded that I’ll have to sell. I want to get my bills paid down and in a perfect world I’ll just have a mortgage payment and few utility bills each month.

I’m still in physio and active rehab for the back injury I sustained in the vehicle accident back in January as well. Yes, I’ve been a little stressed with everything but at the end of the day I’m grateful for the health care that is available to me and that I have a bit of wiggle room financially.

The second portion of this year will be about resolution. Problems have come up and remedies are being applied as we speak.  I’d hoped to be more proactive with the publishing company I started and promoting the book I’ve written and released.

All in good time I suppose.

Sleep has been elusive these last few weeks as well.

I have concocted a plan and need to execute it now.

Test Day No. 1 – Monday, July 27, 2015

Having fasted yesterday as per the hospitals instructions, no caffeine for 24 hours, no food for 12 hours, and no bra.  I’ve just finished the treadmill part of this.  The girls (a.k.a. boobs) thought they were flying!  I’ve had this talk with them before but hell why should I spoil their fun?  Let ’em think they’ve got wings for a few minutes.

The good doctor and medical staff wired me up and put me on the treadmill for 10 minutes. The heart rate needs to get up to 95 beats per minute then they shot me full of a radioactive dye. They continued increasing the grade and speed. If you hit the 150 beats per minute before the 10 minute mark, then they’ll stop at that point.

Queeens Park April 2015 029

Happily I was on for the duration.

I’m now in the hospital cafeteria enjoying a coffee and breakfast before continuing on with the imaging portion of the test.

In March of this year when I went for my annual stress test, I experienced major back pain due to the car accident, which had occurred just seven weeks prior. I was not able to complete the treadmill test.

This heart of mine is still beating. It’s intimidating as hell having to go through these tests yet again. The last few years have been tough and I’ve fought through so much fear with all of this. I’m in a head space now where if its broke, we’ll fix it.

It is a beautiful outside on this Monday morning. Cotton puff clouds dot a pale blue summer sky. There is no wind to speak of

June 21, 2014 1037

There is much to be done in the next few months. No wallowing allowed!

Time to get back on track and take my life back and to the next level.

I’ve got books to write and publish. I’ve got an empire to build honouring the written word.  There will be moments to capture with my camera as well.  I’ve got races to run and a world to explore. Let’s polish up this ol’ heart of mine and keep the ticker tickin’!

How do you mend a broken heart?  With love and tenderness and a stent or two.

Test Day No. 2 – Tuesday, July 28, 2015

I had to more or less repeat the fasting regiment, mind you its only been a 12 hour imposition this time out.

I’ve been injected with the radioactive dye once more. Soon everything will taste like metal and if yesterday is any indication, I’ll be a little headachy.

I had to go into work yesterday after testing as payroll needed to get done. Today I’ll just go home and rest up.

One of my co-workers suggested that I may end up with superpowers as a result of being filled up with radioactive dye.

mm 1

An image of a Spiderwoman character came to mind but it was a comical one.
It certainly wasn’t a sleek looking superhero.

No. My Spiderwoman has a fear of heights and a taste for craft beer and oysters!

Could be a fun concept though.  Hmmm!

And it’s done now.  Time to go back to the drawing board and get down to the heart of the matter.

Namaste.

 

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