The Breaking Point


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I’m breathing.  Just breathing.  Remembering that life force that is so necessary to all of us.

This week has been a tough one, just as the preceding weeks and months have been this year.

I lost sight of certain communications at the workplace or so it would seem.  I really hadn’t thought this was the case.

Yes, I’ve had some ongoing issues with attention and focus at times.  Still I’ve muscled through.

And all in all, in my mind, I’ve done a great job.

New West Quay May 2015 056

I’ve had health concerns that have weighed heavy along with a host of other matters that have made life just a little bit more challenging from day to day.

I still have some of the lingering effects from chemo.  My cognitive functions are not completely back to where they were and only time will tell if they will be fully restored.

The accident back in January of this year introduced pain and how to manage it on a daily basis.

In my mind, I could not afford to take any time off.  Perhaps this s a fatal flaw of mine.  I always put my responsibilities first.   As per usual, I’ve toughed it out.

The loss of hot water in my home for three months added yet another strain.  The emotional component has been taxing.

Then an email from our property management company regarding a ‘Special Assessment’ meeting reduced me to tears this past Friday.

The figure being tossed out, which has no explanation or back up, as to why it is so excessive for the ‘re-pipng and restoration of our building’ was shocking.

$465,000.00

My portion to be paid in three increments.  August 1, 2015 – September 1, 2015 & October 1, 2015.

Each increment:  $4226.00

For a total of $12,678.00 to be paid by October 1, 2015.

What – The – Fuck!!!!!

I pulled out the depreciation report that was done a couple of years ago.

I don’t have $13,000 tucked under the mattress.  Sorry.

New West Quay May 2015 090

The re-piping has been done.  They quoted a cost of $135,000.00.  We then received a notice that a company would be coming in to bid on the restoration part of it.

Then out of nowhere a meeting set for July 15, 2015 for this insane special assessment.

There’ve been one too many blows as of late.

The past few days I’ve been tearing up…a lot!

Saturday morning I finished my 20th physio session and I’ve begun active rehab.

New West Quay May 2015 175

I just want to get well.

I just got an appointment notice from my cardiologist.  Another 2 day nuclear test has been set up.

I just want to be healthy.

Thinking I was going to have a salary review resulted in being informed that my job performance was lacking.  How can this be?

I just want to cry.

I’m not one to complain.  I make every effort to understand and move forward.

I just want to be appreciated.

Physio John suggests another 12 sessions.  I’ve made progress but my back is still mucked up.  I concur.

I close my eyes, feeling weary.  Just breathe.

Parts of me are now missing and other parts are not quite working right. Other parts may never work completely as they once did.

New West Quay May 2015 085

But I’m alive.

I know there’s no guarantees and that I only have this moment.

Please, see my value and see my worth.  That is all I ask.

Just breathe.

 

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5 thoughts on “The Breaking Point

  1. Oh Nancy honey I’m trying to breathe for you too hon so that you get double breaths. It looks like your 2015 started out like mine…I value you and so do all of your friends…and you are so worthy. Why don’t you sell your condo and look at 55 plus Returement Condos? They are lovely..or like a couple of my single friends, they have purchased mobile homes and love them. You could purchase a single or double and all you would pay is your pad rental. Lori Ford and her hubbie Bob sold their 2 story home and purchased a double (they are now called modular homes) with 3 bdrms and 2 baths..Donnie k and I have often thought we might sell our home and do that…cheaper and money in the bank..Lori loves the change they made..it is such easier living..I would go into a 55 plus mobile park tho..I of course have been reading a lot about after chemo effects..I joined 2 sites on fb..BREAST Cancer Survivors..and I read the ladies’ stories. Some have carried on for years after or like you worked through chemo..Others couldn’t work and have never fully come back health or energy-wise. My friend from Windermere for 60 years..he lives in the States and his wife had it in 2012 …a very strng fit woman and he emailed me and he said she doesn’t have half her energy..She was a Professional Skier till age 66 years. If you were to sell and purchase a modular home..you could probably just work part-time or not at all..just enjoy your writing ..your friends..your daughter…outings..travel..and the stress would be less. You are amazing Nancy and your writing is so enjoyable. You could even Free-lance. I met a woman in the hospital who was a Free-lancer for a magazine…Also sweetie at the Annual East-Enders Reunion July 18th at Falaise Park..bring your books to sell…I know one gal Bev Bentley who asked me where she could get your book and I told her to pvt msg you on fb and that you would be at the a Reunion…I will have money for you as well hon..Wishing you better weeks and months ahead my dear Nancy..See you at the Reunion..love you..linda xo

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