I’m breathing. Just breathing. Remembering that life force that is so necessary to all of us.
This week has been a tough one, just as the preceding weeks and months have been this year.
I lost sight of certain communications at the workplace or so it would seem. I really hadn’t thought this was the case.
Yes, I’ve had some ongoing issues with attention and focus at times. Still I’ve muscled through.
And all in all, in my mind, I’ve done a great job.
I’ve had health concerns that have weighed heavy along with a host of other matters that have made life just a little bit more challenging from day to day.
I still have some of the lingering effects from chemo. My cognitive functions are not completely back to where they were and only time will tell if they will be fully restored.
The accident back in January of this year introduced pain and how to manage it on a daily basis.
In my mind, I could not afford to take any time off. Perhaps this s a fatal flaw of mine. I always put my responsibilities first. As per usual, I’ve toughed it out.
The loss of hot water in my home for three months added yet another strain. The emotional component has been taxing.
Then an email from our property management company regarding a ‘Special Assessment’ meeting reduced me to tears this past Friday.
The figure being tossed out, which has no explanation or back up, as to why it is so excessive for the ‘re-pipng and restoration of our building’ was shocking.
My portion to be paid in three increments. August 1, 2015 – September 1, 2015 & October 1, 2015.
Each increment: $4226.00
For a total of $12,678.00 to be paid by October 1, 2015.
What – The – Fuck!!!!!
I pulled out the depreciation report that was done a couple of years ago.
I don’t have $13,000 tucked under the mattress. Sorry.
The re-piping has been done. They quoted a cost of $135,000.00. We then received a notice that a company would be coming in to bid on the restoration part of it.
Then out of nowhere a meeting set for July 15, 2015 for this insane special assessment.
There’ve been one too many blows as of late.
The past few days I’ve been tearing up…a lot!
Saturday morning I finished my 20th physio session and I’ve begun active rehab.
I just want to get well.
I just got an appointment notice from my cardiologist. Another 2 day nuclear test has been set up.
I just want to be healthy.
Thinking I was going to have a salary review resulted in being informed that my job performance was lacking. How can this be?
I just want to cry.
I’m not one to complain. I make every effort to understand and move forward.
I just want to be appreciated.
Physio John suggests another 12 sessions. I’ve made progress but my back is still mucked up. I concur.
I close my eyes, feeling weary. Just breathe.
Parts of me are now missing and other parts are not quite working right. Other parts may never work completely as they once did.
But I’m alive.
I know there’s no guarantees and that I only have this moment.
Please, see my value and see my worth. That is all I ask.