Now…Where Was I?


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The last few weeks have been something of emotional cesspool.  I’ve experienced just about every negative feeling I could throw at myself. 

You see five weeks ago I was given notice that my job was coming to end.

I went from disbelief, to indignant self-righteous disbelief to just being downright pissed off.

There is no justice in this world….dammit!

And I would to sue the moment they slipped up and they would, darn tootin’!

And all these emotions roared through me while I was crying into my beer with pen in one hand recording the whole of it and pizza in the other.  The beer and pizza were taking turns comforting me you see.

And after about two weeks of this nonsense of portraying the perfect victim, the annoyance was turned toward my loveley visage.

Why, when the news was handed down did I stop doing all the good things I’d been doing for self?  I just tanked out….again!

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I slapped myself around a little and did what I needed to do.  Brushed off the resume, polished it up and wrote a smokin’ coverletter.  I have now secured another job.  I did have a backup plan had this not occurred though.  I’ve done this a time or two you see.

Tomorrow is my last day at the archtiectural firm.  In two weeks I begin a new adventure.

On Monday as I left the second interview for this position I was vying for with the knowledge that the job was mine, relief washed through me.  This was quickly followed by an excitement I’ve not felt in a good long while.  

The neurons began to fire with several ideas.   And hell, I know nothing about making or selling windows and doors.  But I will.

My last two positions have been with architectural firms and I’d hoped they would grow and expand.  That was not the case.  

This new place…well, they really do want to grow!  And I’m delighted! 

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Have I got a door for you!  Don’t need a door?  How about a window? 

Then I came back to the dilemma of my dismissal.from the architectural firm.  In all honesty, I’ve not been happy here for a couple years now.  Just over a year and half ago I had begun to look for something else.  I was tired of the verbal abuse and lack of respect that was shown by one of the partners.  

Then of course came the edict ‘You’ve got cancer.’

I kind of had my back up against a wall at that point.  Just had to suck it up and muddle through.  

In the last few weeks I’ve had a variety of information offered up by friends and acquaintences. Lawyers names have been provided, advice on what to tell CRA when I file my claim, etc. 

Time to settle this then.  What to do?

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This company needs someone to handle their finances at the very least.  I have no idea what they have in mind either.  By law they cannot hire someone to replace me.  If they are dismantling my position as they say then not even a PT person can come in.

I sat in meditation the other evening and put it out to the universe.  I let my ego go.  I’ve heard far too much from this side of self as of late.  

No, it’s not fair how I was treated.  It’s not fair how many in this firm have been treated.  Life can be that way though.  

And this all coming on the heels of one of the most difficult years I’ve experienced…well, just one word emerged.  

Forgiveness.

I felt the tears well up as I released all the emotional stresses that had plagued me as of late.  I released all the hurt and self-righteous indignation I’d been feeling, the fist pounding aggravation. and just gave my self over to the quiet and forgiving heart I’ve found and followed for a few years now.  

There was a certain freedom in that moment.  

No, I won’t persue legal action.  I’ve other more postive, more productive things to venture after. 

It is important though to let your antogonist know.  And on the morrow a note will be left on his desk that will read ‘I forgive you.’

And I will offer a prayer that whatever it is that has jaded this manI hope he finds some peace.

Then I will take my leave.  

And you know, I will just carry on and count my blessings, for which there are many.  

Peace.  

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