This event draws an enormous crowd. Upward of 300,000 people will attend.
I wasn’t in the mood for a crowd.
Then again this has been a weekend of reflection. Of hanging around the house and tending to those domestic duties that are necessary; of stopping and taking a deep breath debating the next course of action.
I had signed up to attend a poetry reading event this afternoon and decided to take a couple poems that I’d written to try out.
There is that part of me that needs to become a bit more familiar and comfortable with public speaking. It is one thing to be sitting in a room informally reading text you’ve written.
It is something to bear your soul on a blog post to an audience that you’ll never see.
But this would require standing before a group of people and speaking into a microphone.
Being new to this organization, the Royal City Literary Arts Society, I wasn’t certain of the set up.
We were treated to three featured personalities who sang and read their prose. I was immediately impressed with their ability and comfort at delivering their work. Along with this I was impressed with the expressive nature of their pieces.
I could only hope that upon getting up there I could deliver my offering in a manner that would honour the written word I possessed.
I think I did okay with the delivery of ‘I Wonder…a State of Homelessness’.
My second choice was ‘The Whisper’ which is about my recent dealings with cancer. You may have read it on this blog along with ‘I Wonder’.
I had read the poems at home…aloud. I’d inserted various voice inflections that I’d felt may make my point a little more poignant and heartfelt.
Indeed, I felt ready.
Halfway through the reading of the second poem, however, my voice had a quaver to it. What I did not want to occur was indeed happening.
Emotions were reaching up and gripping me. Everything I’ve been fighting this last year now stung the back of my eyes.
I had not wanted to deliver this poem in a weepy and fragile manner. I had not wanted to feel the tears slip down my cheek, nor the voice quake and moan. But it did.
I had wanted to say a few things upon completion and instead I was too anxious to be gone from this spotlight. I had not prepared myself for the advent that I might well tear up.
There was awkwardness for me in that moment.
In any case, it is done.
Another experience to draw upon. I was given five minutes to convey some rather emotional content.
I did my best. Hopefully in time I will feel more comfortable in this area. It is an odd place to be. And if I am to be successful with my publishing company, I must become accustomed to this manner of communication.
Another thing to work on.
But I am so fortunate with everything that continues to be directed toward me these days.
So much to explore and revel in.
I came down to the Wild Rice for a nibble. Soon I will depart and purchase groceries for the week ahead.
The river is running high and fast.
A seagull sits upon the water allowing the current to sweep it along. Tug boats dance up and down the river. One towed a stream of logs in its wake, two others a barge containing what, I can’t say
The paddleboats move up and down the river with passengers curious to experience this form of transportation.
And I’ve had a good day.
I need to roll up my sleeves and get to the business at hand.
The last few weeks have found me anxious and sleep has been sporadic.
My dreams have been far more abstract than usual.
I have been second guessing all my decisions it would seem. Do I really know what I am about to embark upon?
What do I really know about publishing?
To be frank….not a damn thing. But I am about to find out.
I have a plan. I will execute it. This idea of mine is born of research, observation, passion, and a desire to create a business that is fair, equitable and encouraging.
To honour the written word has now become my life’s passion. That I can become good at it and find others to represent….
I love where I’m going and with a heart full to bursting and eyes drinking in the fragility and strength of this world, can I give this back? Can I offer more? We will see.