Just Thinking…Am I Happy?

winnie_the_pooh_poohgroup_001_50121If you’ve noted that I’ve been a little quiet lately, you would be correct in your assumption.  I’ve been giving some serious consideration on which direction I want to take this little blog of mine in.

I’ve been reading several other blogs and much has been written with regard to New Year’s resolutions.  I took a look back at the year that we are leaving behind and the unwanted surprise that pretty much derailed many of the plans and ambitions that  I had begun the year with.

This is simply the way life goes sometimes.  For the most part I held steady throughout the course of the year.  Now I’m once again looking at the things I want to achieve with the promise of the year ahead.

One thing I do know, I won’t be putting things off.

Regarding this blog I have decided to review some issues that I’ve been struggling with.  I wonder at times if I in fact dissecting things to the point that they appear as a jigsaw puzzle on the floor with a 1,000 pieces then waiting to be put back together is the best execution of dealing with certain issues.

My reason for taking the puzzle apart in the first place is to find the piece that doesn’t fit.  More often than not, however, with this exercise I end up getting sidetracked.  So perhaps I just need to step back and look at the big picture and decide what it is that is out of sync then extract it.  If it were only that easy.

I am, if you are wondering just what it is I am yammering on about, thinking of personal growth.

In 2010 and 2011 I tackled some deep emotional issues.  Expansion and growth were prominent in those two years.  2012 and 2013 found me dealing with physical health issues.

As 2014 kicks off I’m wanting to be in a place where physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually, intellectually and all other realms of my being are balanced….once and for all.

If someone asked you this simple question, how would you answer?

“Are you happy?”

When I asked myself this question my immediate response was to say ‘Yes!’

I paused, however, and really thought about this statement.  Happiness is to me a state of mind.  It is a balance.  None of us can be happy all the time. The world doesn’t quite work that way.  We need to know and experience sadness in order to appreciate and nurture the good things in our life that make us happy.

My answer to that question on this day would be this.  I am generally a very positive individual.  Each day that I am granted I really try to stay within the confines of being content.  But in truth, I’m not happy.  If happiness could be dictated on a scale of 1 to 10, I would give myself a 4.

winnie_the_pooh_eeyo_003_51310I am not dragging myself about like Eeyore with his doom and gloom attitude.  No, at this moment I’d liken myself to Winnie the Pooh with a honey jar stuck on my nose.  I want the honey, but I just can’t get to it.

Wouldn’t it be fun to be like Tigger and just bounce around on your tail on day long? There is a certain delight in such simplicity.

But at least I am in the happy zone. Still, what I want to tackle in the next few weeks regarding this blog of mine is to visit the areas of my life where blockages still exist and explore them.

So that will begin very soon.  There are three categories that are really tough for me.

1.) Love & Intimacy

2.) Confidence

3.) Self-Expression

The third one may surprise you.  After all, I pour my heart and soul out at times in my posts.  Writing things down has always been my saving grace and likely kept me relatively sane at times. But when it comes speaking these feeling of mine, quite another matter.

In confrontations I usually collapse and become a child.  Shrill and nonsensical rebuttals with a propensity to cry uncontrollably.  To say I’ve become very good at avoiding confrontations would be an understatement.

I can counsel people beautifully but can I take my own advice?  Nah. Too easy.

That’s what I will be focusing over the next month.  As always your thoughts and comments are welcomed.

Enjoy your day.


2 thoughts on “Just Thinking…Am I Happy?

  1. Thanks for sharing, Nancy. I struggle with those three elements quite a bit as well, with all of them severely shaken in the last year. I look forward to you delving into those areas over the next little while.


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