Jason (the true story!)


Yesterday I perused several successful blogs.  I will have to look at them in greater depth.  I also need to get caught up with those of you that do follow my blog as well.  I have been abysmal in this department.  I likely had drugs in my system when I began this blog.  I had a ‘Field of Dreams’ moment that said

‘If you write it, they will come’.

In my delirium I cried out ‘Write what?’

This didn’t really happen of course.  I am simply being typically odd.  Now due to the fact that I touched on Jason yesterday, I thought it may be useful to provide a little back story here.

For those of you who didn’t read yesterday’s post, Jason is an eight inch stuffed toy, red in colour designed to look like a chameleon.  (See image below)

About eleven years ago the engineer I worked for received this in the mail from communications giant Telus.  It was a ‘thank you‘ for our loyalty.

This little red stuff toy sat on top of my computer monitor.  At times I had in depth conversations with him, to which one of the engineers cajoled and teased me about relentlessly!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOne day I came to work to find that Jason was missing!  I looked everywhere for him.  It soon became apparent that Jason had been kidnapped!  I began to receive photocopies of the poor little guy in various stages of duress.  Sure enough I discovered that John, one of the engineer’s I worked with, had taken him and was doing unspeakable things to him!

Well, I went in to John’s office and demanded that Jason be returned immediately….and in my most authoritative and dastardly voice I hissed at John ‘I know where you live!’

Working with engineers can be very entertaining.  John is a particularly warped one.  I still go in and look after the bookkeeping at this office all these years later and we still get up to some of our hijinks from time to time, but I digress.

Poor Jason! John was merciless.  Things would be fine for a time then he would go missing from my monitor.  Lance, our draftsman, became John’s sidekick.  Jason could not take it anymore!

He sat on my monitor after about the eighth abduction and asked if he could look at the Canadian Tire online flyer.  From this he bought a chainsaw and an axe.  Then he asked to look at hockey masks.  But he wanted an original.  He begged and pleaded for the Ken Dryden mask and so I acquiesced.

Hence a serial killer was born!  (Cue the music)

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Whenever he saw that I was not happy with certain things in the office, I would find him perched on the offending party’s computer monitor wearing his hockey mask and touting his chainsaw and axe. A menacing and frightening sight, let assure you!

John, Lance or both would be cowering in fear begging me to talk to him!  Of course I took this opportunity to discuss their treatment of Jason and how the trauma they had subjected him to had pushed a mild mannered stuffed animal over the edge into crazed criminal behaviour.

Fearing for their lives they assured me they would never do it again.  (Of course, they lied to me!)

After being rejected in the radio contest, things got ugly! I had thought that entering this contest would be fun and uplifting.  Unfortunately Jason’s self-esteem was far too fragile and he just shattered.  Poor guy!

So I removed Jason from the workplace.  He was still convinced that he was a special kind of chameleon that could turn into anything he wanted to become. Of course I encouraged this line of thinking.  He is now a GPS unit in my car.  He tells me when to turn right and when to turn left, though sometimes we get into a heated debate on directions.  The fault, he assures me, is with the satellites.  They are not regulated to upload to such a sophisticated piece of intelligence as him.

I am in agreement.

He is quite dismayed on how he is portrayed in film.  The character is just plain foolish, Jason assures me.  And he’s never actually killed anyone, just commandeered a very frightening persona.

So now you know the true story of Jason.  And for the record, during today’s photo shoot for this article Jason thought it would be poor taste to don his choice of weapons (i.e. chainsaw and axe) as he gave them to a logger years ago).  He wants everyone who reads this to know that he is a zen loving being now.

The mask?  Well, Halloween is just around the corner…

Enjoy your day!

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