I am not a religious person. And by this, my meaning is simple. While I am a spiritual being, I do not attend a church. I did, for a few years, attempt to follow organized theology through the teachings offered through church. For me I found it to be a lesson in deceit, guilt and shame.
There were conditions it seemed to being afforded God’s love, blind faith being one of them. This is not something I was ever successful in attaining.
When I walked away from the two churches that I was involved with I felt cheated. Both ministers at each respective church would be caught out exercising not only morally and ethically corrupt behavior but criminal as well.
I have no doubt that there are many ministers out there who are exemplary in what they teach and how they conduct themselves. And I don’t know if I just ran into a string of unfortunate events. In any case, I walked away from that experience with a bad taste in my mouth.
Even as a child going to Sunday school it was often reinforced of just how unworthy I was. Now this was not a deliberate slight but simply my interpretation of certain messages that were quite impressionable at that time.
For a long while the mention of prayer stirred up some undesirable emotions and I found myself equating prayer with religion.
A few years ago I was asked the question “Do you pray?”
My immediate response was “No. I am not a religious person…though I am spiritual.”
Then just as quickly as I had rejected the notion of prayer I tossed in that I said prayers for family members and friends…but I didn’t really say a prayer for my well-being. It was a curious reaction and one that confounded me for a time.
I began to open myself to meditation around that time and oddly enough the correlation between the two became very apparent. An awareness was growing regarding my energy body and how it is affected by everything else on this planet. Building on that I had experiences where energy forces, life forces, spirit, God…whatever you want to call it…began to rush through me at times.
And this occurred when I was just so tuned in, though I don’t quite know how I came to be in such a state. Still the impression made was extraordinary. An understanding of sorts began. I really started to develop an idea of this unique power that moves through all of us.
Prayer, I have come to understand, is simply a form of energy. It’s power can be quite remarkable. Much in the same way of what meditation does. They are, in essence, the same coin only opposite ends. Prayer to me is the projection of energy outward. Meditation is the projection of energy inward.
Driving through a dark and stormy morning on my way to the gym, I had thoughts of the change in season. In the week since the autumn equinox occurred the weather here on the West coast made an abrupt change. The rains began and the we’ve had a couple of howlers now. It has become quite chilly as well.
As I stretched out my legs at the end of my workout I gazed out at an iron-gray sky that was so menacing in appearance that I just had to smile. Wayne, one of the trainers at the gym, came up alongside me.
“I just want you know that I am praying everyday for you, Nancy. If you need anything, just let me know.”
I felt truly blessed in that moment. Wayne does attend church. He is a physiotherapist as well as a fitness trainer and he is a very good, very genuine person. Over the years he has offered me tips to add to my workouts. And if I am an example of how to manage chemotherapy effectively with minimal effects then I am more than willing to share the information.
All of us react differently to various illness’ and their treatments but I do believe attitude will plays a big role. And I pray pretty much everyday as well. I put it out to the universe to bless all of us with a peaceful and harmonious existence. I don’t know that its possible being the strange animals that we are, but one can only hope.
In any case, I will continue in this vein. Have a fabulous day.