Round two of chemotherapy has now passed. Another five hours of various toxins being distributed throughout the body. This time I know what to expect. The doctor dropped the dosage by 10% because of the numbness in my feet. They actually have been feeling very close to normal this past week. As stated the hair, being one of the casualties, has now been shaved off.
During my session yesterday, four other patients came and went. I engaged in conversation with two of them. One woman who is 66 years of age has Stage 4 rectal cancer. Her daughter told me she will likely require chemotherapy for the remainder of her life. Another fellow has a tumor on his gall bladder and it quite close to one of his lymph nodes so they are attempting to shrink the tumor so that they can operate. He is apparently Stage 4 as well.
I had come prepared as before and set up my station. Water, writing material, book and rose quartz and jade for meditation. The nurse smiled at me which I returned in kind. Pointing at the various objects I explained ‘Reading, writing and meditation.’
Colette liked that I had come prepared. She really liked the idea of doing a meditation during treatment as well. Later Gurjit the daughter of Kuldeep who was woman receiving treatment next to me, asked about the stones which I told her had healing properties. We spoke about several things. Kuldeep and I discussed our initial shock at the discovery of having cancer. We discussed our symptoms or lack thereof and we discussed remedies. She has been experiencing a great deal of nausea so I told her about the ginger root tea. I hope that it will ease her symptoms.
As patients came and went I realized how fortunate I am that my treatment is relatively minor in comparison. And I am healthy. I feel really good and have no doubt that I will continue to do so.
At the gym this morning I closed my eyes while on the stationary bike and just reveled in the beauty of my body’s movement. Touching base with all aspects of self and really relishing the gift of good health, I renewed the promise to work toward optimum health. Then I thought about the statement of optimum health….perhaps I should not label it as such. Besides once I reach that state, will there be an awareness of it? Is this not something that I will continue on with throughout my lifetime? I certainly hope this will be case.
I am reading ‘The Secret Life of Water’. A beautiful book. Yesterday I was reading about the Hado of Happiness. He quoted a man who spoke about the reason why happiness is not often achieved.
We humans tend to put conditions around happiness. We focus on placing our attainment on things such as money, jobs, owning a car, vacations, finding a loving relationship, etc. These are things that can always shift and change and not necessarily in your favour. It was also pointed out that many of who have attained unbelievable fame and wealth still chase the beacon of happiness.
There is nothing wrong with having the desire to succeed. Wanting to excel in your chosen profession. Wanting to find the love of your life. Wanting to enjoy creature comforts such as a nice home and vehicle.
What happens, however, is that we equate our happiness in connection to these things.
Happiness has an unlimited existence and yet we invest ours in things that are very limited and constantly changing.
So what is happiness? Good question. One I am still seeking to understand but I know this. It is that moment when I feel a connection to all that is around me, when I am interchangeable with everything. That I can simply live in each moment and have an open heart, this I know is happiness.
Perhaps that is why the exercise of shaving my head was not as traumatic as I perceived it may be. I had moved past putting so much of my worth in my appearance. Of stating to myself that if ‘I just looked like this or if I just weighed that‘ I would be happy.
And so a deeper understanding and a new perspective are born. What I am taking from these chemo treatments is unexpected and yet delightfully refreshing. How I have approached this has made a huge difference for my physical self. Of that, I have no doubt.
I have come to appreciate my body so much more. What I have realized too, with the wars that I have waged in this head of mine regarding my worth, regarding the traumas from the past it would seem the body has taken the brunt of the punishment I have meted out to self.
Yet I am amazed at its resilience. Now I understand that I truly need to care for myself on all levels and be committed to each aspect of self. This will be how I achieve the level of health I seek and the happiness that is forthcoming.
Another door has opened….another path to explore.
We are enjoying yet another beautiful day here. Love it!
Enjoy yours and thanks again for stopping by.