I had a really good day. My sleep was a little twisted last night and some pretty funky things were going on in dreamland. Woke up several times with a neon question mark on my face.
Surely I jest and I do.
So far the chemo has not affected me…at all. I went for really long walk at lunch today and pondered my question from yesterday’s post. Was fear a factor in going ahead with this?
I can say with all honesty that no, it wasn’t. When I was first told that I had cancer, yes, it scared the hell out of me. And yes, the fear factor did come into play. As I have gone through this process though, I accepted that this affliction was random and not to take it personally. I have maintained this mindset. That’s not to say that haven’t had moments when I have cried and owned the fear that has come over me.
After the operation, when I was advised that post-operative treatment would be required, namely chemo and radiation, I had to wrap my head around a whole other animal. And I had to reconcile the need to carry through with this. That was accomplished through research and asking a lot of questions and demanding that I have all options available and open to me.
I really believe that by educating myself has assisted in the process of dealing with need to go ahead with this. I spoke last week about DNA and memory. It is a known fact that emotions can and are stored at a cellular level. I feel that had I gone into treatment fearful, angry and bitter that those emotional hitches would have been magnified.
I went into this with full acceptance of the purpose and full understanding of the why. I can’t be angry or bitter. This could happen to anyone. It happens to newborns. It happens to children. It happens to good people and bad people.
I was thinking of people such as Michael Ciccone who passed at 16 years of age. He was on TV and had cut an album to raise funds for Cancer research. I also thought of Terry Fox who really raised the bar. A marathon a day on one leg. Hell, I just ran my first 1/2 marathon and I can’t imagine running 5 KM everyday, let alone a marathon!
So I find it interesting how certain people have embraced this illness with such passion and ferocity to fight it. And the quality of life, the passion of the their life force has spread to such an all-encompassing degree that years after their passing their presence is still felt.
That to me is a life well lived.
I simply want to create an awareness. If how we approach this disease can established and find that it does indeed assist in cutting back on the suffrage from the remedies being offered than perhaps it is a worthwhile pursuit.
This morning at the gym I said good-night to a beautiful blue moon as another stellar sunrise graced the day. I have cut back on the intensity of my workouts. I am fine with that. I just closed my eyes and appreciated the movement of the body, appreciated the breath moving through it. I know that there will be casualties amongst the good cells and I am grateful for their sacrifice to assist in getting rid of the bad.
I am fortifying the body to recover quickly as I truly believe building up an energy resource will assist with the energy lost to this treatment. In six more weeks the chemo will be complete. I am at peace with this.
Enjoy your day and thanks for stopping by. Namaste.