I realized something about myself yesterday. It takes very little for me to move to the defensive. In fact, I was ready to do battle in a heart beat. Why? Because they want to save me from this thing called cancer.
I saw the medical oncologist that specializes in radiation yesterday. This particular doctor didn’t have a particularly strong bedside manner. I would describe him as very abrupt and of a more impersonal persona and lacking a little in the empathy department.
I was advised by the good doctor that I would require 25 sessions of radiation. Up to this point I’ve been told I would likely be having vaginal radiation only. This is not the case. I will be having the full pelvis zapped.
This seemed excessive to me. It still does.
This scared me. This unknown thing called radiation. I can see Spock from Star Trek in the “Wrath of Khan” movie being exposed to it and watching his face boil up as he swiftly dies from the exposure. And hell, he was a Vulcan! I am a mere mortal!
By way of an explanation the doctor told me this was a ‘standard and normal’ treatment for my condition. I was somewhat confused. What exactly was this ‘normal’ for? And what exactly was my condition?
To date I’ve been told that I may well be cancer-free or I may have a few ‘floaters’. The purpose of this exercise is to ensure that there are no floaters. I get that. No explanation other than the fact that he was the specialist and he felt that this was the most effective treatment for me was provided.
This left me irate and I went on a bit of a rant the rest of the day. Five straight weeks, five days a week for just a couple of minutes each day. The side effects were of course revealed and me with my overactive imagination once again envisioned self the colour of a cooked lobster falling apart in various states of agony. Oh joy!
I later went to see my family doctor to discuss all of the information that has been dutifully unloaded into the grey matter over the past few weeks. He is an excellent physician. He took the time to explain that my treatment is based on information that has been gathered worldwide on the most effective way to ensure that the cancer does not return.
This data is collected and based upon women who have had similar cancers to mine and through years of research the treatment plan has been developed and has proven to be the most effective and successful format to date.
He explained why it was necessary to do both chemo and radiation. Also, my doctor went through the medications that would be administered and said that none of them would affect my heart and would not interact with any other prescribed drugs I am currently taking.
He filled out the form so that I can explore using Hemp Oil with THC. At the end of the day all the things the oncologist should have relayed to me had been explained by Dr. Seger.
I could walk away and not do these treatments. I may never have another issue regarding cancer cross my path again. But if I opted not to do this and year from now I was full of cancer…it would likely be a death sentence.
And while I feel healthy and cancer-free at this point…I cannot take that chance. I must move forward with treatment. I need to hear that I am 100% cancer-free. So I will suck it up and acquiesce to the treatment plan that has been formulated to give me the best chance that this insidious disease never returns.
And I’ll really try not too be belligerent but when I’m being advised that awful things are going to be done to my body…even if it is to help me…doesn’t mean I have to like it. As stated before, I am something of wimp when it comes to pain. So I need to find a good meditation mantra to help me through this.