In my proactive ideology I made the decision to get my hair cut short. Really, really short! In fact, I have never had my hair this short in my lifetime. I will be losing my hair so I figured might as well make the transition a little less dramatic. I am feeling a little bare up there. In all honesty though, it doesn’t look half bad.
Personally I seldom do anything dramatic with my hair. For the last thousand years or so I’ve had it just past my shoulders and have complained bitterly about its lack of….well, I don’t know. This is interesting. I wake up in the morning and it pretty much looks the same as when I went to bed. No longer do I get up and look like the wild woman of Borneo with hair that looks like it went out on an all night bender without me.
I am seriously trying to just let go of the ego thing here and embrace my impending baldness. Of course, I will be donning a wig. I figured this Halloween I’ll be a Conehead. I won’t have to do much in the way of make-up but hell, might as well have some fun with it.
I am looking at this folder that I was given by the BC Cancer Agency with information galore on side effects of other medications that may be administered; financial issues for Cancer patients on trying to pay for all these medications; how to deal with the fallout of possible depression issues and fatigue issues.
I am supposed to bring this folder with me when I go for my ‘chemo teaching’ workshop. Oddly I am ignoring the material. I really have no desire to read any of it. Oh, I know I should be informing myself. I think I will go about it in a different manner and perhaps use some of this stuff as reference material?
I know this is serious shit. I get that, but I don’t want to be thinking about it all the time. I just want to go on living my life…in a happy frame of mind. And yes, I know I can’t be happy all the time. No one can.
Happiness really is a state of mind.
I am finding it easier to let issues that at one time antagonized me just slip away. I no longer hang onto them and allow them to grow into horrific monstrosities.
The deal with all the reading material is just a bit too sobering, a bit too flat, a bit too statistical and impersonal. The material is not earmarked for someone who may no longer have cancer; it is not dedicated to the case of being simply a preventative initiative.
No, the material is earmarked for every stage of cancer. Perhaps that is what I am rejecting…the fatalistic feeling that seem to underline some of the material. Death is not an option at this point in my life. It really is that simple.
So, I’ll have some fun being bald. I’ll play dress-up. I’ll be the image of what, I am not too sure. Many blessings to the doctors and nurses who tirelessly put all of this stuff together. I don’t want you to get the idea that I don’t appreciate their efforts. I really do.
For the moment I can’t wrap my head around this stuff.
I am getting a wee bit sleepy. Time to slip into the confines of my bed and let sleep claim me.
Thanks for stopping by. Peace out.