A Healing Plan


Has day four begins in the healing plan, I am contemplating for the first time how I feel about all this.  Physically I feel weaker. Even the words that typically cascade through my grey matter and end up on this screen seem to be at the bottom of an abyss these days and a part of me feels a little too lazy to dig down and retrieve them.

It could be the drugs, it could be body’s need to rest.  I do get sleepy quite easily.  It could be the heat.  It could be a combination of all of the above.

My daughter asked me the other day how I felt.  Did I feel hollow?  Could I tell nothing was there? I don’t think hollow would be the descriptive text I would use in this case.  Anyway it is too early to give an accurate telling.  I had reconciled that this part of my anatomy would be removed.  I’m cool with it.

A healing plan is in place. I am out walking a four block loop twice a day.  We are eating an uber healthy diet and I am being the best little patient, ever!

Vancouver entered into a heat wave this weekend as well, so part of the lethargy that I am feeling no doubt can be attributed to this.  Apparently I will no longer have hot flashes, which excites me to no end.  Can it be true? At the moment though I feel as though I am a singular sweat gland that has not closed in a millennium.

I am sitting here, eating my fruit salad and trying to stab a grape with my fork…it’s not going so well.

And what can I share with all of you that may be of interest in this experience?  Well,  there is a deeper resolve now to follow my passions.

At the end of this six week healing plan I will take my daughter out for a celebratory dinner and enjoy a brew or two.  I may decide upon a particularly good vintage as well. Vasser Felix Shiraz, look out!

Then I will be introducing the body to the gym again, to running, to movement. I will enjoy the freedom of it in a body reborn, in a body that is clean, in a body that is healthy.

What do I feel?

At this very moment a part of me knows the cancer is gone.  And there is a quiet joy coursing through me.  I am grateful. I am gazing at my secret garden and contemplating what sex will feel like once I am healed.  As the good doctor said, “Don’t put anything in your vagina for six weeks.”  I smiled at this.  “In other words, no sex?” And she smiled back.  “Yes. Exactly.”

In truth, I don’t feel particularly sexy.  I think that’s a given that having surgery may have dampen the mood, so to speak.  The next week I will be focusing on copy editing.  I was reviewing a few blogs earlier that I follow.  One woman is celebrating three months on here.  She has 42,000 hits and 4,050 followers.  This is still a part of blogging that I don’t really understand.  The marketing of it, developing traffic.  I suppose in time I’ll figure it out.  In the meantime, I’ll keep at it.  Much to focus on in the next week.

Enjoy your day all!

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