All Systems…Go?


It’s early.  I am got to work at 7:15 AM.  A lot to do before I take my sojourn.  Sleep has been interrupted by the anxiety hiding beneath the surface, that for the most part I have held in check.  Work has been just crazy.  Yesterday the operating table was beginning to look like a sandy beach by the time quitting time rolled around.

Perhaps I should do a post on “My Vacation in OR”

I will lose a part of me tomorrow.  A part that indicated my gender as being female. I never had any ‘women’s issues’ when I had my cycle.  Never had yeast infections or PMS for that matter.  I had a 28 day cycle that was pretty much like clockwork.  Did I always take care of myself?  No. In fact, for a very long time I was very unkind to this body that houses me.  Yet, I’ve come to terms with all the issues the precipitated this behaviour and have in the last few years turned things around in a big way.  And I am amazed at the body’s resilience.

Would this have happened had I taken better care of myself in my earlier years?  No point in even contemplating the answer to this.  I have witnessed over and over again people who live a healthy lifestyle that end up with cancers.

All I can do is deal with the hand that is dealt to me and that is what I am doing.  At times I feel the tears quite suddenly pushing at the back of my eyes.  Dependant upon where I am, I will let them fall.  Most times when this occurs I just close my eyes and breathe.

I feel the life source that is coursing through my veins and how strong it is.  It’s funny, people that I haven’t seen in a while that I’ve been running into tell me I look ‘fabulous’.  Radiant and healthy they say.  If they don’t know of my condition, then I don’t tell them.

Alrighty then.  If this is what I look like with cancer, then hell, I am going to be smoking hot without it and shining like the super moon we had last Saturday night.

I’ve not been subject to poor health despite the lack of care I once exercised.  This is a major operation.  This is the first time, and hopefully the last, that I’ll have something removed.  Even having the Angioplasty pales in comparison in some odd way.  I was awake for that.  I watched the whole thing.  Felt the instruments the doctor was using tickling my heart.

Cancer really messes with the head.  Man, the battle that has been going on in the grey matter has been intense.  One of the most interesting observations that has been made by those that know me is this statement.  “You don’t look like you’ve got cancer.”

I suppose we think of someone pale and thin, ravaged by the disease.  When my uncle was diagnosed, he went so fast.  It was alarming actually. These are some of the things that have haunted me when I slip into bed.  The wait for tomorrow has been excruciating.  By day’s end on the morrow, however, it will be done.

I am looking forward to a speedy recovery.  I am looking forward to running again, to moving, to dancing.  I  want to watch the sun come up down at the beach at some point this summer.  The energy will return in force, my strength and stamina will return.  My book will be launched.

This beautiful world of ours will continue to turn and I along with it.

For today, I will honour the part of my body that will soon be removed.

Be well everyone!  My next post will be after the operation.  Thanks again for stopping by.

 

 

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