They’ve been very strange as of late these dreams of mine. It is intriguing to me what the mind conjures.
In one dream that I had, a figure emerged to me insisting that I ‘knew’ something was wrong with my health. It was a rather abstract dream in terms of texture and visuals. There was not really a whole lot of visuals…I liken it to being in a cocoon.
Call it intuition, call just a sense. I don’t know, but I woke from that dream and laid staring at the window contemplating this. The funny thing is if I am truly honest with myself, yes…I knew something was not quite right. The energy was not as high. I just felt ‘off’. In late January I wondered why I at times was feeling bloated. That sensation of having an inner tube suddenly inflate around the lower abdomen. This has been more frequent as of late.
I had not changed my eating habits, in fact I would say at the beginning of the year I was a few weeks into training for the 1/2 marathon so my diet had improved big time. I had said farewell to imbibing in a brew. And I was really focusing on getting plenty of rest. It made no sense then that my energy levels should be waning. At that time though I was concerned with my heart. In December 2011 I had the angioplasty done due to having a 95% blockage in my artery. I had been on the medication Plavix for a year and had gone off of it in early December 2012.
So my immediate concern was of that nature. Had I gone off the medication too early? Were there still issues? I would be going for a stress test to check the heart out in late February 2013 so I just sucked it up. I thought the bloating might be the remnants of a long menopausal period.
The only show of concern was some spotting in late August of last year. The doctor did not seem overly concerned about this as this had not continued. I assumed once again that it may well be related to menopausal issues. He ordered a pelvic ultra-sound at that time and unfortunately I didn’t get in to have it done until the New Year.
Still the most telling dream was one I had in early February 2013. In this dream I was in the recovery stage of having been treated for cancer, though it did not reveal the type I was recovering from. It wasn’t a bad dream, just an odd one. In this I saw myself in a certain fragile state though there was a newness. I remember when I woke I thought it odd that I should have such a dream when I didn’t have cancer. Of course, now we know that I do.
I seldom have dreams of this nature so perhaps those little whispers from the corner of my subconscious were trying to tell me something and I was refusing to listen. Then again I am not someone who views herself as being frail. I have always been physically strong. Even with my running when I was referred to the specialist, I didn’t have the stamina I typically do. There would be days when I felt great. I was strong and my energy was up and other days when it was not so much.
It makes sense now. In this state of health it stands to reason that the body wants to preserve its energy.
Last evenings dream was yet another abstract dream. A taxi driver that I had come to know (and for the record, I rarely use this service as it is not often required), had come to see me and explained that his business had fallen off a bit. He could offer me a discount if I booked the cab at a certain time everyday. I did not use this service all the time but had to confess to him that financially I could not commit to daily use. We decided though that he should leave me his info and I could let him know in advance if I would be requiring his services.
This one had me scratching my head in the middle of the night. And I don’t know why lately I feel the need to interpret their meaning immediately upon waking.
So yes, my sleep pattern has been ‘off’. And I suppose with all the questions and concerns currently running through my head at this time that the dream state has been absorbing and acting out some odd little vignettes.
Ah well. I’ll get back on track. I just need to settle myself. If anything this experience thus far has been intriguing on how the psyche reacts and deals with such issues. Of course, having the rather curious mind that I have been so blessed with I tend to look at things analytically. These days I am examining this from all sides.
But the sun is shining and work beckons so I had best get to it.