These days I find myself trying to look at the lighter side of everything. Perhaps this is a common occurrence. I don’t know. Last evening in a conversation with my daughter I asked if I could finally get a foot rub. She will be coming to stay with me for a few months to ensure my return to good health.
What you need to understand is that when she was younger I ‘guilted’ her into these until she reached the age where she didn’t fall for my gimmicks. Drat! I had pushed the envelope too far, played my cards wrong. Oye!
Last night she readily agreed to giving me a foot rub and it was on the tip of my tongue to gently rib her about this but she has been taking this condition I find myself particularly hard. And so I will refrain from some of my rather crass humour. After all, I am truly blessed to have people such as my daughter around me at this time.
I think I have been withdrawing just a bit. Trying to just get centered. Now when I feel any kind of ache I wonder if that is related to the cancer. I have been waking bloated one day then having it recede. I have heard this can in fact be a symptom. I laid in bed last stroking my lower abdomen wondering at what stage this thing was at.
I thought about a blog I posted a few months back where I spoke about my energy level having dropped. Was that a clue to all of this? Perhaps in my head I am trying to determine when some of these symptoms first began to appear. Try to get a handle on the timeline.
Yesterday a friend of mine came by and we went for lunch. Marie shared her own experience with cancer and gave me some insight into this thing. I can’t tell you how valuable it’s been having women share their experiences with me. It has helped tremendously in putting this all into perspective.
In our discussion last night I encouraged my daughter to find a forum that is set up for the family members and friends of cancer patients. A place that they can share their feelings and fears around this. Then perhaps she would not feel so isolated. What I have realized is this doesn’t affect just me.
So I will continue working at being upbeat and focusing on the funny side of things. The obscure little witticisms that mark each day. I can close my eyes and feel the fabric of it weaving yet another addition to the tapestry that is my life. So much more to be experienced, so much more to be explored and so much more to be felt.
I want to laugh and mean it. I want to love, truly. So I shall.