There is a calm in me now. I will move through this experience as I have all the others in my life. I will no doubt learn a thing or two during this challenge and will grow stronger and hopefully gain a measure of wisdom in the process.
During the drive in this morning a steel grey sky stood before me. There were certain points, however, along the horizon where white clouds hung at their base making for a dramatic contrast and adding a certain dimension visually. Very beautiful.
I listened on the radio as they discussed Angelina Jolie having a double mastectomy because her percentile of contracting breast cancer by reason of her genetic make-up was in the 85% range. Interesting. Yes, we all fear this thing called Cancer. I think the aspect to this that renders such fear is that there is feeling of being helpless and unable to combat it. I have been able to find a measure of the quiet mind I have been seeking.
I have had some interesting dreams as of late as well. Some I am still not too certain how to interpret. Last night the dreams were most definitely about control and/or the lack thereof.
I laid in bed this morning pondering this. Some things I can’t control. In fact there are many things I can’t control. I can control how I respond to all of this though.
I could lose control completely and become a stressed out maniac, gnashing my teeth and wailing about the whole thing.
I smiled at the image produced by this option. I would likely end up looking like that Persian Cat we’ve all seen on the internet…you know the one having the ‘bad hair day’. Well, I would look like that, minus the hair. That’s just nasty!
I could be the quiet worrier. Sit all day rocking in my chair and moaning at an undefinable and incoherent level. I smiled at this too. I talk WAY TOO MUCH to ever be a quiet worrier. Nope. If this girl is gonna worry, you’ll know about it.
In the end as I watched the shears on my window dance softly from the air passing through the open window, I decided I would just be. Each day that I am afforded is a blessing. This illness will pass and I will live a long, full life.
Whose to say why these things occur. They just do. I am going to carry on as per usual. I am back in the gym and running again. Once I have had surgery I will have to take it easy while the physical body heals…but my energy body is kicking it up a notch now to compensate. I am going to sink into my heart centre and let the gentle tendrils of love spread its warmth throughout.
This year has been one of many challenges in many shapes and forms. This is yet another. What currently afflicts me will soon be gone. And I will always look to see the beauty in something just as I did with the clouds this morning because it’s always there. It is simply a matter of finding it.
Have a great day everyone.