The old adage is that you make lemonade. Personally I think lemons get a bit of a bad rap just because they’re sour. I love the smell of fresh lemon. And I love an ice-cold glass of lemonade. Now that I have planted this in my head, I just may run down to the store and pick up a whole mess of lemons.
I think I got thrown a whole lot more than just lemons on Thursday.
I am trying to research this thing known as Uterine Cancer. What I have been able to deduce is that during the menopausal process I was likely exposed to having too much of the female hormone estrogen running through my system.
I smiled at this analogy. I was too much woman for my own good, was I? 🙂
There are quite a few support groups out there. My daughter offered one up and I checked it out but in all honesty the information is a bit overwhelming at the moment. So I decided to just pull back a bit. I am trying to determine if I have any symptoms and in a sense I don’t even want to look this up for fear my erstwhile imagination and neurotic sensibilities will kick in.
I agree with the first statement I read. Cancer is the most feared word and disease on the planet. So it would seem I have yet another fear to work through and defeat along with an illness.
It has only been two days since diagnosis but I am trying to get a handle on this emotionally. I know and fully expect that I will have my moments of tearful breakdowns as I am currently. That is to be expected. Knowing that I am housing something that could potentially take the life I have fought so hard for seems like a cruel joke really.
I guess what I am trying to wrap my head around is to not take it personally. I don’t know if this makes any sense, but I trying to just view this as a minor inconvenience. I suppose I am doing this so the enormity of this doesn’t overwhelm.
What I can tell you is I want to live a long life, see my hair turn white, watch my skin get those age spots that really are a right of passage, yes? They are beautiful…though our society as of late has declared otherwise.
Right now I am visualizing myself with white hair, hands with delicate age spots move through the air as I dance freely to Al Stewart’s ‘Year of the Cat.’
And I know that these things don’t pick and choose but at the moment I am having a ‘Why me?” moment. And I suppose this is to be expected as well. And this will pass.
I can tell you the run of emotions on this has been over the top. I am trying to find a place of calm I can go to. Get centered, you know?
Let’s just say this. Cancer picked the wrong girl to mess with. I don’t lay down and die. I never have, I never will.
This is where I am today on this beautiful Saturday morning.
Best go make that lemonade with the lemons that got thrown at me….just not too sure what to do with rest of shit that came with it, but I am sure I will think of something.