I have been in rather strange mindset today. I just had a whole lotta more work tossed my way at work. (Insert sigh)
I had a decent run with my group tonight and it was just beautiful this evening. We ran over the Burrard St. bridge then along the Seawall. There are times when I feel really awkward. I am not sure why. But these days I have felt as though I am cycling through.
We were running back toward the store and I had a lot of random thoughts running through the grey matter. I have dealt with depression for the majority of my life but it has only been in the last decade that I have learned how to live with it. I recognize now certain behaviour patterns of mine and how to address and function when certain cycles and patterns emerge. The idea is to adjust and modify said states and I am getting better at this.
As I was running last night I got to thinking of how I felt like I was starting over with my running. It is a rather odd sensation to have been back at this for three years and then in the course of six weeks feel like I have lost all that I gained. Then I just smiled because at the end of the day I am still able to run and that is the main objective.
Most likely you have all heard of the multiple universe theory. Quantum physics, quantum jumping, quantum mechanics….quantum…quantum…quantum…
When we turned on the beach and headed back the way we had come and I wondered what of my many doppelgangers in one of these parallel universes was doing just now. Were they peeking to see what I was doing? Which version of self was being played out? Could I pop down a worm hole and check this out?
I know that there are ‘programs’ that you can purchase that will help you do just that. I don’t believe they work. If that was the case, it is likely we would all be quantum jumping to see what we were doing in all these other places. It’s in our nature, is it not?
Now this is not to say that they don’t exist. There is definitely more to this world and what surrounds us than what the eyes see. I have in the last few years come to know an energy that when I strike the right balance and it opens to me, my God, it is fantastic!
These days though, I just feel awkward. I was doing really good. Felt fresh and alive. My vibrancy was cranked up and then, whoosh! Down the rabbit hole I went. I found myself once again imposing harsh criticisms on self and chastising my abilities or lack thereof. I wondered once more if I was ‘likeable’. I wondered once more why I was still alone. I wondered if this pursuit of optimum health was wrong or right thinking. Perhaps the idea was a good one but the execution could be off.
I finished up and decided to just carry on as I am. These feelings, they always come and go. Driving home last night a big ol’ moon hung in the sky above. Luminous and beautiful. Sometimes I feel like I am seeing these things for the first time and I like that.
I have listened to tapes on the laws of attraction. I understand this. And you know it’s funny, because one of the big selling features with these programs is that you can have ‘all the riches in the world’. Then I thought about what that meant for me personally.
For me I don’t dream about cars or mansions on every continent, boats in every port and all the material wealth that I could possibly handle. I just buy lottery tickets and if my number comes, sweet. I will think of a way to spend it.
When I think about abundance, however, I want love, I want peace, I want tears and laughter. I want to see fairness in this world. I want to see us be able to comprise for the greater good of this world. I want to see respect and honour. I want to be happy. I just want to be.
Our economy has not been in existence all that long. Not really. A hundred years ago was it like this? No.
There have been many forms of currency used over the years. The barter system was in use and it still is today. This thing we call the economy though has grown into quite the beast that rules our everyday lives.
I got to thinking if the economy went bust, what would we do? Would we all just lay down and give up? Would there be complete and utter anarchy? Would we regress into savages where only the strongest and meanest survived?
Nah, I really do believe we would figure it out. Perhaps we could find a quantum jumping program that worked so we could figure out how to get out of the mess. Slip down a few worm holes and see where we end up, you know?
And as I curled up in my bed I sent out my familiar refrain, “I am here and I love you.”