I wonder why I am feeling so fired up these days. I would imagine some of the health concerns that have come up recently would play into my mood as of late. Sitting in the doctor’s office on Wednesday evening and being told that the chances of my having cancer were miniscule had me realizing that I could actually breathe again. I was not even aware how much stress I had taken on. That moment occurred when the burden began to lift and I felt remarkably lighter.
I still have to go for more testing. An MRI will be in order sometime in the next month. It would appear that getting into my uterus is akin to breaking into Fort Knox. By the doctor’s description it would seem there is something of a labyrinth in the vicinity of my cervix. This created an interesting visual for me and sat smiling oddly at the doctor as he explained this.
Now that the medication has pretty much left my system I no longer feel like Sponge Bobbette. And I have just three weeks left before I run my first 1/2 marathon. In one week I will be doing the Sun Run which is a 10 KM event and I had hoped I would come in under the one hour mark but that is debatable at this point as my training has had several interruptions.
I have decided the 1/2 marathon will be a 10 and 1 event for me. And by that I mean I will adhere to the rule of running for 10 minutes and walking for 1 minute throughout. I will not required my water bottle at this event as there are several water stations set up so perhaps I should look at perhaps walking it out through them. I downloaded the map and will determine the distance between each and see if it is in fact about 10 minutes between each one.
In any case I have three weeks to try to pull myself together. I had wanted optimum health to be the image that I presented to the world on race day. I think I will shoot for ‘still standing’ at this point. And I say this in jest, truly.
Certainly this has gone in several directions but I think I needed to fall apart a bit more. I still had some stuff to rid myself of. This translates not only from the physical issues but the emotional, spiritual, sexual, intellectual and all other avenues of self. This quiet war that I have waged on self over the last few years seems to be heating up a bit.
I am noticing more than ever before how I am affected by the world around me. I have been almost hyper-sensitive to it. My daughter commented that lately I have been on this ‘save the world’ rant. This was an observation because lately I have been attacking certain ideologies and questioning them. It has created a bit of tension at times as she questions my reasoning and I can be rather forceful with my opinions.
Last night I brought up UNICEF and other organizations that cater to extreme poverty. The trigger for me was watching Alyssa Milano’s ad for UNICEF imploring us to reach into our pockets and commit to fifty cents per day while images of children living in extreme poverty were flashed upon the screen. Now don’t get me wrong. Yes, these children need our help. I am not bemoaning this at all and perhaps while sharing this with my daughter last evening I was a bit too colourful in my emotional response.
Why has this ad struck a chord with me? I don’t know. I have watched these ads for the last 30 years or so. I had a ‘foster child’ for a time during the 1990’s. In truth, I really hurt for these children. It is absolutely heartbreaking to see the conditions they find themselves living in.
My issue is why this is still going on. Why do we still refer to these countries as ‘developing’? Why have we not been able to impart certain knowledge regarding productivity and sustainability in their region? Is is simply the politics involved? This quagmire of human existence where children die needlessly everyday due to hunger and disease. Billions are spent on weapon systems while people quietly die.
We have this North Korean fool with his finger on the button. Nuclear war. Does this scare me? No. It saddens me so deeply.
Why are we still in this state?
And I look inward. And while I feel that I have made giant leaps forward in my personal journey, at times it seems as though nothing much has changed. And I look at the world around me and it seems much the same.
Thirty years ago the Cold War was coming to an end. But you know, the fear of nuclear war fed us for a long time. I grew up in a paranoid world. If the bomb didn’t get us then some other disaster would. For as long as I can remember we have been told the Big One (a.k.a. Earthquake) is coming here on the west coast of British Columbia. And for several years when the Green River murders and the Clifford Olson’s and the disappearance of women from the downtown east-side was occurring, as women, we were paranoid about leaving the house in the evening on our own.
Every shadow held a threat. Every leaf that rustled in the breeze potentially hid an attacker.
I don’t live in that fear any longer. I don’t want to live feeling like a perpetual victim.
I want solutions. Oh, I know. The issues that plague this world are enormous but if we could collectively begin to look at real remedies. I guess I feel like these campaigns for those of us able to reach in and provide the fifty cents a day is more of a band-aid remedy. What concerns me as well, is that now our own children are falling into the poverty spectrum as the cost of living sky-rockets. The division just seems to grow. This thing we termed a ‘middle class’ seems to be disappearing.
For the first time in history (though I could be wrong about this fact, so lets say recent history), children are not expected to be as well off as their parents. Jobs are not as readily available. Housing is quite expensive and we are being taxed to the max with the government looking for more creative ways to extract money from our paycheques.
So yes, I am feeling the strains of the world around me. And I want solutions, please. They are out there. I know they are. We have the technology for clean energy worldwide and yet we are still ruled by an oil based economy. And how much longer can this go on?
If I have been on a rant about the state of world perhaps it’s because we’ve been screaming about this stuff for so long and yet nothing changes. Taxes are going up. People are losing jobs. Homelessness is increasing. Children are still hungry.
How do we change this? I know we can. We must. And I will start with who I am and what I bring each day. No more patch jobs to heal the world’s ills. Let’s find lasting solutions. No more wars.
God, I look at this sky before me. How beautiful it is. I think about this planet that is our home and just how magnificent a place it is. Let’s all take better care of her and in so doing let’s take care of each other as well.
Blessing to all of you. And yes, we need to feed the children and more over love them. Enjoy your day.