In Training (Day 57)…Agony & Fear

I have not worked out since Saturday.  I did a Yoga class that was offered free as I’d had a birthday.  Not the best class I have been to.  Yoga mats were provided and set up but you had perhaps a couple of inches between the person next to you.  It was a Hatha Yoga class and I found the transition between poses rather awkward at times.  We did a lot of high plank transitioning which is not particularly easy.  The poses were held for an inordinately long time as well for a Hatha making it feel at times I felt like a Yin class.

I was though, for a year with one of the best instructors I’ve ever had and I do miss those classes.  Prana Yoga has closed its doors and the owners are heading to Israel for a spell.

By Saturday evening I began to feel a tightness between my shoulder blades and the base of the neck.  And then pressure in the heart centre.  A heaviness.  I figured perhaps I had overextended something in the Yoga class.  It hadn’t been a particularly strenuous class however.

By Sunday morning the upper extremities felt as though they were in a vise like grip.  I laid in my bed debating my run for the day and opted to just relax.  Sunday was beautiful outside.  I was also to participate in a Photowalk. Again, the decision to just lay low returned.  And so Sunday saw me fiddling with things around the house, trying not to let the fear that was rising up take hold.

I did some breathing and finally went for a walk.  That little niggling doubt that all is not as it should be playing at the corner of my grey matter.  The body is not feeling as energetic and spry as it typically does.  Something is just off.

I made the appointment with the doctor yesterday.  These symptoms, by the way, can in fact be a preclude to heart issues.  A preclude to a heart attack.  I did some reading over the past few days to see if my concerns were warranted.  They are.  So back to the doctor.  Back to being poked and prodded and if I need to go on medication again, so be it.

I don’t like feeling ‘weak’.  It is not something I am accustomed to.  Knowing now too, that the one thing that needs to work properly in order for me to live a healthy life, perhaps doesn’t. That realization has been a tough one.  But at the end of the day I just have to fix the heart so that it does work properly.

There was that part of me that wanted to curl up into a ball and feel sorry for myself.  It didn’t last for long.  I have a 1/2 Marathon to train for.  I have other races coming up.  I have a book to finish and publish.  I have many more stories to tell.  I have a life that beckons and I am going to take it.  I’ll take care of the heart.  Give it the care that it needs and deserves.

Sometimes we are born with various anomalies.  All I can do is move forward and look after them.  And yes, there will be times in the dark of night when the agony and fear slip into my head whispering their obscenities.  And I listen to my heart centre, the one that’s kind of broken, and it tells me that everything will be okay.  We have functioned kind of broken most of our life, so we will limp through this as well.

I will go to my running clinic tonight.  I may just do the walk / run workout.  We’ll see.  I am feeling better today.  The pain is not quite so prominent, but it’s there.  I’ll be okay though.

Enjoy your day everyone.



3 thoughts on “In Training (Day 57)…Agony & Fear

  1. Pingback: My yoga experience | losing the last 40 pounds

  2. Pingback: 10 People You Will Meet at Yoga | Miss Four Eyes

    • Am I sure I was to do the run you mean? The 1/2 Marathon? Yes! Most definitely. And my doctor has encouraged me continually. If anything this has taught me that I need to educate myself better on my condition, which by the way turned out to be a respiratory / flu infection. This has now empowered me to find a deeper understanding. I certainly don’t want to be afraid to live, I did that for far too long.


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