Oil & Water


I managed to drag my butt out of bed this morning and made it to the gym.  Yesterday I went for a run which felt great.  I did all my menu planning for the week as well. My energy levels are still a little low and the sleep thing is a bit wonky still….but I’ll get there.
I have some kind of bug moving through me, however, as the voice right now sounds like I have been drinking whiskey for a week and smoked a carton of cigarettes to boot.  Neither of which I have or would do.  I had a decent workout then walked out into the rain and began walking down to the parkade.  It was bit like an ice rink as the oil had risen to the surface of the parkade entrance and yup, I decided to see once again if I could fly.

I walked away with a few scrapes but I think I’ll pull through.

Then I got to thinking about the whole oil and water thing and some things that have occurred lately.  Events as of late have given me some perspective on boundaries what I need to to.  At times I think I am totally misunderstood.  Case in point.  New Years Eve I attended a murder mystery party.  Having read the instructions, participants were encouraged to get into their role.  The character that had been selected for me was Kat Walker, a model.  She liked to wear minimal clothing and rub up against men.  Now most ‘cats’ do like to rub up against people.  So I thought ‘Okay, I can have fun with this.’

It wasn’t a big party.  Just 10 people in total.  I got into character and stayed in character as I assumed was expected.  And I just had fun with it.  A bit of drama occurred that I didn’t see coming but I dealt with it and just carried on.  I danced and just let loose.  Later I came to understand that one of the women thought I was coming onto her husband as we did dance quite a bit.  In truth, I was hamming it up and played my character about a stereotypical as I could imagine a model would be.

I told everyone at the party that I only slept with rock stars.  I did my little come hither thing that I think perhaps a model would do.  I have watched America’s Next Top Model a time or two…research you know.  So I really tried to carry a level of superficiality with a mix of arrogance?  I thought I was a bit campy in my actions actually.

No, I had no interest in her husband.  It kind of hurts though when someone thinks ill of you in that regard.  I mean, you invite me to a party, give me a character to play (which I apparently did quite well), then think I am like that?

What I realized though is that not very many of the people at this party really know me.  I met the majority of them only one time before at a Halloween party where I was dressed up as a man, a totally different character was introduced to them that night.  So they don’t really know me.  I think I felt a false sense of comfort at this thing.  The girlfriend I went with, well we are really close.  We’ve been tight for the last 20 years now.   She knows me really well.

The woman hosting the party we both went to school with.  I have socialized only a hand full of times with her so I think perhaps I felt she knew me better than what she actually does.  So a lesson was learned that perhaps I should be a bit more conservative.  I know I can be over the top at times.  I know I have a wacked out sense of humour that not everyone picks up on.

In the last few years I have worked so hard on self and really trying to strike a balance, so yes, I picked up a few pointers about boundaries that evening.  The fine line between oil and water and you have to be careful that you don’t slip and fall.  If you do though, just gotta get back up, dust yourself off and move forward.

Did I do anything wrong that evening?  No.  I just had silly fun as I thought that was the point.  Not everyone shared in this mindset though.   I find it astonishing that anyone would see me as a potential threat.  I almost want to laugh at that. The idea of hurting someone is abhorrent to me.   Somewhere in that performance of mine I was misread and judged.  I guess that’s the thing that hurts a bit but I will chalk it up to experience and move on.

Enjoy your day everyone.

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