I signed up for the 1/2 Marathon yesterday. I have five months now to train for this run. The thing of it is, this is a different personal challenge. This time I am taking everything I have been working on with self, the physical, the emotional, the spiritual, the sexual, the feminine and I am going to focus all of it into the training.
By the time race day comes, I want to be in peak condition on all these fronts, I want to be united on all these fronts.
Sounds like a tall order, doesn’t it?
I have spoken about when I began running again. I was eighty pounds heavier than I am today. I was inspired by the opening ceremony to the Paralympics in Vancouver in 2010.
With the weight beginning to disappear and the freedom of movement becoming more prominent what also occurred was a releasing of my soul. All the hurt and pain that had been buried in the excess weight, came to the forefront. All the things I had denied about myself, my intelligence, my beauty, my gentle nature, my curious nature, my sexuality…it all rose with a desperation to be acknowledged by the woman who housed them.
So the journey began to heal self, to forgive self and to let self expand and grow.
There have been many times when I have run on an early Friday morning and I have felt the tears roll down my cheek because I feel so blessed that I can move like this. That I feel the body moving rhythmically, that I feel the breath move throughout, that I feel the heart beat steadily and that I am interchangeable with all that is around me.
2011 was a difficult year. I was bombarded with so many emotions and memories that I had suppressed for years. I found guidance with a number of people and through it all I ran. And I found the pen once more and this gave voice to acknowledge all that I had denied.
I needed to trust my heart centre now. Something I had never done. Something I was really not even aware of. For that year the emotions that were being purged were incredibly intense and as I teetered through this minefield, I found a calm in my heart that reassured me I could get through this.
This past year has been a year to reinforce and liberate self. So for the next year I am focusing on pulling it all together. I want to find that harmony and flow that I know exists within me. I want that to shine through and take me the next level in my evolution. So I have set a few goals for myself.
Reclaiming my wellbeing on all fronts is one of them. On May 5th, 2013 when I cross the finish line for the BMO 1/2 Marathon, it will be a success far greater than the time I completed it in. It has taken me a lifetime to get to this point and from the finish line I know even more doors will open.
And so, I will move forward and become the woman I was meant to be. I will no longer hide in the cracks that society has dictated I should reside in. And I am so close now and she begs me to venture further, and encourages me to open my heart and trust my heart. And so I will.
Happy Holidays to all of you! Thanks again for your continued support. I am excited about the year ahead because I really feel I am about to blossom. It’s a beautiful thing.