On a Morning Such as This


I slipped from bed this morning determined to get the workout thing going again.  Coming back from an injury, however minor, is never fun.  Yoga felt great last night and while I am still a little stiff, I will just ease back into it.  I was met with wind and rain upon venturing out into the dark of morning.  Guess we had a minor howler move through last night.  As I drove in all those little thoughts moved with restless abandon through my head.

I noted that the crows were flying Southeast when they typically fly Northwest in the morning.  Then I decided I am more familiar with their evening patterns than the morning routine.  Perhaps they were out clubbing all night?  There was a mist in the air not often seen when it rains this hard.  The air was fresh and damp.  I got to thinking about collective goals.  I suppose some are okay, but some I find a little too generic.  Take the sale of ‘The American Dream’.  That everyone should go to school, have a job, get married and buy a house.  They will have 2.5 children, vacation two weeks a year and all live happily ever after.  Being Canadian that is my interpretation of aforementioned dream.

And there is nothing wrong with this.  It’s nice.  It is very generic in nature though.  I wonder will this template on how to live our lives make us all happy?  No doubt throughout the ages there have been similar templates put in place for the populace to adhere and aspire to.   They were likely constructed by the rules of conduct in society at that time.  This ‘dream’ was born after the 2nd World War.  Middle-class America boomed, expanding and growing exponentially.

I know in the short time that I have been on this planet, the world has changed….a lot.

From this thought I moved into the question of what were my dreams and aspirations?  When I was a young girl growing up it was assumed by myself along with every other girl I knew that we would grow up, get married and have kids.  We never really discussed whether we wanted this or not.  It was simply the way the world worked, yes?

I did things a little differently.  I had my mid-life crisis when I was teenager, got pregnant and had a baby, went to school and managed to establish a career, and when the girl was all grown up, I bought a home.  Somewhere in the mix the man who was supposed to dance merrily along my life path with me never materialized.  So there will be no marriage and no additional 1.5 children to be added to the formula for this life of mine.

Oh yes, I do want a man, but marriage?  I don’t see the point at this stage in my life.  It is a legality, nothing more.  And if I love someone, I don’t believe I need to make it legal. (Hmmm.  That almost sounds dirty) 🙂

Of course this line of thought led me into pondering the whole marriage thing.  It is rather strange to me.  Women get to be a Princess for the day.  This will be the day when they are the most beautiful, radiant and enchanting that they have ever been.  Women spend an insane amount of cash on a dress that will be worn once, then tucked up into an attic where they can take it out and dust it off and I don’t know, admire it?

Weddings are big business these days.  It is almost frightening what people spend to be able to legally say ‘You’re mine.’

Being that I have never married, I am a bit mystified by it at times.  It was never something I really thought too much about. I had a co-worker come up to me yesterday.  She is having issues at home.  She smiled sadly and said,  ‘Whatever you do, don’t ever marry.  It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.’  I have seen many marriages fall apart over the years.  The happiest day was when they said ‘I do’ and the next happiest day was when they said ‘I don’t’.

I thought about the vows that are spoken.  Wondered if people really thought about what they were saying or were they just parroting what so many before and so many after will utter.  Should I be so fortunate to meet my love in this lifetime, all that needs to spoken while looking into my eyes is ‘I love you.’  I will know it is meant, just as when I utter those three words he will know as well.  It will be shown with each touch, each glance, each smile and if there are tears as there usually are, they will find comfort.   I don’t need to be stuffed into white satin and lace and waltzed down an aisle to declare my love.  It will be known.  Lay me down on satin sheets or where the land meets the sea and I will share my love with you.

So these were the little tumbleweeds that blew through the grey matter this morning.  I had a decent little workout…didn’t push myself.  I went for a steam afterward then prepared for work.  And when I stepped outside the rains had stopped and the wind had subsided and this beautiful morning began to unfold.  The moon was still hanging high as clouds chased each other across a pale blue expanse.  And I smiled and said ‘Good Morning.’

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