I spoke with my friend last night that I had suddenly felt so rejected by, and sure enough it turns out she was sick and didn’t really feel like talking. I told her about my little insecurities to which she laughed, albeit through a rather choked cough. I like to air these things as it feels good to get it out. I think I said something along the lines of, “Awe honey, I am so sorry you are feeling like crap, and here I thought you had developed a deep dislike for me.” Talk about your neurosis shining through. But then, she does know me relatively well and accepts me for all my little nuances and foibles, just as I do her. We are not perfect and never will be.
I had by and large gotten over the whole thing anyway as I know this is a weird little thing that I put myself through. In an earlier post I spoke of how I torment myself if I feel that I’ve offended someone. I tell them I am sorry and they are looking at me like I am loopy (which I am) and they have no idea that I think I have offended them. Again just one of those wonderful little throwbacks from days gone by.
I have been attempting to meet someone via the online dating world. I know people who have had great success with this medium, so I will hang in there for a while and see what may come of it. I must tell though that this is a very strange animal to me. It surprises me what people will say about themselves and what they will in fact write to you. I have had guys who are very much attached, and by this I mean married, that think I would be interested in exploring certain things with them. I have had guys who don’t tell me up front that they are attached, and no, I have not met with them as it seems their schedule is usually very narrow, which is a dead give away.
I get the feeling that they are fishing to see if there is something ‘better’ out there. I advised one man that perhaps if he put the effort into his current relationship that he was spending in looking for something else, he might well discover that he’s got a pretty good thing going on. Then I pressed delete.
Another guy that was amazingly adamant that we would be a great match. I politely pointed out that a relationship cannot be founded on deceit, and if you are in a relationship and are slipping around then what does that tell me about you? That’s when I press ‘block’.
There are the ones who say they have gotten rid of all their ‘baggage’ and expect the same. They don’t want ‘drama.’ What does that mean exactly? When I hear this, I know they still have baggage of the emotional variety because they are making these statements to begin with in an attempt to not have their past rear it’s head. At least that’s my interpretation.
I have had some very sweet people write books about themselves…and while they come off very sincere, I almost feel like they are giving me too much information. And I know that a picture can be deceiving. Perhaps they don’t photograph well. I certainly don’t think I do so I do take that into consideration. Still when someone writes me a book telling me why they believe we were ‘meant to be’, I tend to shy away. That is a bit too intense and almost demanding to me. From a paragraph and a photo you can garner that much information? Hmmm.
I have met for coffee with a few men, but there was no ‘click’ shall we say. And I know I must get a little better with questions prior to meeting someone. So it is definitely an interesting process. It has been interesting to discover as well the things that totally turn me off about a persons profile. There are those who write very little about themselves and feel the photo should speak for itself. There are people who really don’t mind there spelling or grammar, which I suppose the very fact that I do write, irritates the hell out of me. There are people who come across as being perpetual thrill seekers. They have photos diving out of planes, screaming down a mountain slope, running over hot coals….you know?
I almost feel that this would be a competition of sorts to gain their attention, so once again I move away from those profiles. Then there are the profiles that seem to have a list of conditions that you must meet in order for them to even consider talking to you. So it is strange to me that dating has almost become an interview process of sorts. I try to be very polite. I get that we are in some odd fashion all seeking a connection of sorts.
Still, the one thing that really gets the hairs on the back of neck to stand on end and want to go for the jugular is when someone uses a pet name in addressing me for the first time. When I open an introduction and someone starts by saying, ‘Hello princess, or angel, or darling, or baby, or cutie, or doll…or even saying ‘hello sexy…” Once again a complete turn-off. Those are terms of endearments that people share once they have gotten to know one another.
Perhaps other women like that sort of thing, and that’s fine if they do. We are all different in this respect but I still have a problem with someone I don’t know addressing me in such a manner.
I have been taking pointers from people who have had success as I move through this process. I will tell them something (ie: the pet names) and they laugh and say just ignore and press delete or block. I don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why I haven’t responded to them. If I see someone of interest and I drop them a line, I simply say that I like their profile and invite them to check mine out and if interested give me a holler back.
And you know what? I seldom get a reply back. That’s cool. No big deal on my end. I make note of it and move on. At times I have had guys who keep sending responses, each time becoming more adamant that I reply. That is usually when I block them.
One of the oddest things in this mix has been the younger men who contact me. There is this strange phenomenon around the so called ‘Cougar’. I am not a ‘Cougar’. I have no desire to have some young guy that wants to service my needs and in turn be ‘cared for’. Kind of the reverse of a Sugar Daddy I suppose, only we have been labelled a big cat. GRRRRRRRR!
Ah, well, should I find success in this process, I will let you know. Somehow it all seems a bit more complicated.
Enjoy your Monday.