This has been a very solitary weekend for me.  I have tried reaching out to people yet I get no reply or response.  It is that age old fear that suddenly gripped me on Saturday that I was being disposed of. That I was no longer of any value to my friends who were not returning my calls.  This morning I had a different take on the whole thing.

Just for the record, phone calls have still not been returned which is unusual.

But I thought it odd that I immediately felt that I had done something wrong.  Had I said something?  Had I offended in some way?  It was not meant to be so. Of course, I had not said anything or done anything, so why did I suddenly feel so lacking and at fault?

I have come to understand that emotions are stored at a cellular level and when something unpleasant is triggered it associates with a past experience that likely has very little to do with the current situation, yet emotional we tie the two together.

All I can do is offer my friendship and if it is not taken or not valued, there is very little I can do about that.  All I can do is let the person know that if they need me, I’m here.  As is often the case with such situations, I discover down the road that something else entirely was going on.   Then I end up feeling foolish thinking that I had somehow done or said something to upset them.

If someone is pissed with me, then please, tell me.  I can be a bit over bearing at times.  I know this.  Most people who know me are aware of this little idiosycrasy as well.

Going deep this weekend.


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