My energy levels have been rather low lately. I am not too sure why, though I do have a few theories behind this. This morning as the clock sounded rudely at 4:50 AM, I really didn’t want to get up and go for my run. Usually I bounce from bed no problem. But this morning a side of self tried desperately to keep me in the confines of my bed. I stayed in bed an additional 15 minutes but finally, in a moment of resolve, I rose and went for my run.
The temperature was hovering close to zero, so the crisp autumn air felt delightful against my sleepy sensibilities. I began to run and felt the familiar rush of oxygen infuse me as the heart began to pump faster and the breath came quicker.
My energy began to surge through me and I smiled. I greeted the world that surrounds me and my God, you should have seen the blanket of stars! The biggest payoff this morning was to share in the beauty that surrounded me. I was somewhat awestruck this morning. Typically this time of year finds the skies in these parts covered in cloud. So I welcomed this spectacular treat.
I felt incredible this morning. I felt strong and about halfway through my run I opened myself to all the emotional echoes that have been slipping back lately. I am resolved now to champion the child in me who had no control over the events that shaped her life and therefore had no skills to deal with the fallout.
I am giving self over to the forgiving heart. Here is where I find the strength to move through all of this and grow.
I do recognize that I cycle through. Depression, I will use that for lack of a better term, is not something that can ever be completely eradicated from my being and I know this. So I have learned how to live with it. I have learned how to control it. One of the things I do is move. I run, I walk, I dance, I do yoga, I hit the gym….I move!
This has given such a freedom and energy. I no longer view depression as something separate and outside of self. It is a part of me and always will be. How I choose feed it are the ways by which I manage it or allow it to manage me. If I feed this malady with the forgiving and loving heart that I have embraced, then the cycle I move through usually is minimal in its effect.
In the past I gave in to anger and sadness and let this consume me. This just weighed me down and crushed my spirit. It allowed the depression to gain momentum and presence.
That’s not to say when I have these cycles begin they aren’t at times difficult. They still are but I now have an awareness and tools in place to deal with these issues as they arise.
Mental health will dictate every other aspect of your being so ensure that you care for and nurture this part of you. I wonder why our society finds it so hard to talk about mental health issues? We see it as a weakness perhaps. I suppose that is part of the whole thing to begin with, in that those of us who are afflicted, feel somehow lacking.
We feel isolated and don’t seem to fit anywhere.
What I am realizing is that we tend to put labels on ourselves and others. Somewhere in our heads we have this ideal of what we should be like in a perfect world. Well, the world is perfect just the way it is, as are we. And we are all one and the same.
I go out now and just try to be my best on any given day. Some days are more successful than others. How I deal with certain circumstances, what I take from them, do I move forward or did I take a few steps back. It’s all part of the human condition I suppose.
So I will begin my work day now. Enjoy this beautiful day.
Thank you and peace out.