This morning as I was preparing to go for my run, for just a very brief moment I connected to the 12 year old girl who used to love to get up and go for a run. It was as if, in that moment that I was tying my shoes, I was my 12 year old self again. There were many things I didn’t know about running at that time and a life full of things I could not have even begun to imagine. What I did I know back then is that running gave me a sense of freedom.
When I began running again a few years ago, I ran on Tuesday evenings with my clinic then on the weekend. Last year when I was training for the Coho Race which is a 14k, I knew I had to step it up to three times per week. I really thought it might be best to run in the morning at 5:00 AM. Get it out of the way, you know? Working all day, then going to run on your own, well I saw too many opportunities to convince myself that I was too tired, too busy, just too….
You get the idea and we’ve all been there when we are setting up our workout routines. I decided upon Friday mornings. In the beginning I thought this would be a really difficult thing to do. Get up at 5:00 AM and go for a 5k jaunt. But you know, a funny thing happened. I fell in love with this time that I set aside to run. It has become such a personal thing to me. It is sort of like my weekly check-in with the world around me. I am greeting the day in the dark of morning now. I feel a connection to all that is around me and a small smile plays about my lips. I have finished my warm up run and am stretching a wee bit before I get into the run itself. I am blessed. I know this.
Despite all the dark moments in my life, for which there has been many, I have come out to the other side and found this quiet beauty, this quiet peace. It welcomes me and I move into this energy’s embrace.
These days I am still working through my emotional blockages. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier. It doesn’t. But the thing that I do know is that once I move through it, the reward is humbling in its beauty. And I gain strength in self from these moments.
As I ran this morning, I embraced my 12 year old self. At 12, my world could be a very frightening place. My world was falling apart and I really didn’t know it. But as the years progressed and everything around me shattered I had no idea what to do or how to change it. I didn’t know how to express what I was feeling and just wished that someone would tell me that everything was going to be okay. I can now assure this part of myself that we are definitely moving in the right direction and everything is going to be just fine.
And as I ran this morning with the universe surrounding me, I felt that freedom that has always come with this action. I am coming out on the other side of something and I have just got to say, I like it. It’s good.
Have fabulous day! Peace out.