I Only Have This Moment


What a fabulous summer we have had here in Vancouver!  Sometimes it’s just so easy to get caught up in what is immediately around you and let the rest of the world just fade away.  The sky this morning looks as if someone took a million dandelions that have gone to seed and blew them across a crisp blue palate.  The days no longer have that lazy somewhat hazy and relaxed feel to them.  Now there is a crispness, the morning sun casts shadows that are substantially more vibrant and vivid than they were a month ago.  The change of season’s is now beginning to occur right before my eyes.  One of these mornings I will get up and go out into the morning and it will smell like Autumn.  I love the changing of season’s and how they effect the senses.

And I was thinking last night as I lay in my bed,  as sleep did not want to claim me immediately, how elusive this life really is.  How does one stay present in each moment?  How do we live in it at all times?  Then I wondered if that was even possible.  Yes, I know.  I ought not to be debating such things when I crawl into bed but then these days it seems the mind will just wander off into these funny little rivers of thought.  There is that sensation too, of when sleep beckons how we slip into that realm with no real memory of having done so.  It is just so seamless.  The mind of course continues with its exploration, only now I am in a different realm.  It is as if I have gone through the proverbial looking-glass and am now looking at what has been reflected out into the waking world.  And it looks so vastly different!

In my dreams I wonder, is that the person I truly am?  This curious little atom of light and energy that just wants to feel, that just wants to absorb and experience everything around me.  And I am in this realm reaching beyond space and beyond time, always searching, always seeking.  But for what?

The clock radio rudely pulled me from sleep and this morning I wanted to stay there.  I wanted to just sink into that odd spectrum and stay awhile, but duty calls.  Like many I am ruled by mortgages and bills.   I join the collective each day to push paper and innuendo.   I listen to the news and cry when I hear that someone has mindlessly gone off the deep end and shot up some place and killed people.  I laugh at jokes that are sometimes totally inappropriate and I tell jokes that are totally inappropriate.  I see someone who is homeless and I hurt for them and feel lacking that I cannot change this.  I see someone who is powerful and wealthy and wonder why they don’t try to make more of a difference.  I pass judgments and share opinions.  I try not to.  Sometimes I think I am right about something.  Many times I am wrong.  I do my best each day and I still make mistakes.  I am human.

I want to improve what I put out to this world on a daily basis.  I want to contribute, I want to feel, I want to experience, I want to love and be loved.  I want to share my passions and release my fears.  I want to live in this moment.  Embrace it, feel it and let it go and move onto the next.

My dandelion sky is now dissipating leaving a stunning blue canvas that is being caressed by a late summer sun.  Time to move onto the next moment in time even though it is tempting to stay in the one that currently presents itself.
Enjoy your day and thank you for stopping by.

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