Hard to believe that this summer is winding down…I don’t even feel like I really got to get out there and play in it and really enjoy it. Then like a whisper, it’s gone. I went for a run after work last night. I did a completely new route and man, it was awesome. Part of it was running along the seawall in Stanley Park then up to the Merilees Trail that over looks Third Beach. It was here that I really noticed how the trees are beginning to change. The leaves are taking on the familiar yellow’s and red’s of Autumn. In fact some leaves had already fallen and were scattered along the trail in various shades of gold.
This year, it seems, has just gone by in what appears to be an incredibly rapid pace. I feel like I have been running just trying to keep up. It has been a busy year though. I have had a lot of projects on the go. I think I need to let myself just breathe and not keep going at such a frenetic pace.
I have grown up a lot in this last week. Hopefully, by the time I leave this world, I will have achieved a respectable level of a mature adult female. One can only hope. And the last Psychic that I went to said I was going to live well into my late 80’s, perhaps beyond. Who am I to argue with those numbers?
I want to be running though…up to the day I die…yup, I want this vessel of mine to be moving. I love looking at times for the older runners for some of the bigger runs here in the City. Take the Sun Run. We average 50,000 runners per year. There was a woman last year who was 97 who ran it in 1:21. That to me is so awesome. I did notice that the time really does start to drop though once a woman hits her 70’s. So I have a while yet before age becomes a factor in my speed. But then, I am not the swiftest runner. The pace has picked up, however, and I am steadily improving.
And all these emotions that have been rolling through me. I have been inundated with them as of late and sometimes my thinking is off. Sometimes I just feel like I am in a fog…but I walked out of the cloud this week. Got a real good look at some of the things I need to change. And yes, ego has certainly gotten in the way in the past little while, so I am once again really trying to let go of ego in a big way. It’s not easy.
Through all of my little mishaps and misjudgements during the course of my life, at the end of the day, I feel truly blessed. I am making it a point now to surrender to compassion, surrender kindness, surrender to forgiveness and most importantly I am surrendering to love. And while I still have these moments where I just rake myself over the coals, this behaviour pattern is becoming less and less prominent.
And while I grapple with this idea that I am alone again, I gazed up through the slats on the blinds in my room and a star twinkled at me and I smiled. I am never alone, not really. And that was the thought that was in my head before slipping off to sleep last night.
And so as Summer makes her exit I bid her adieu. World is still turning. I am still here and I am alive.