Down Time

I am taking a few days off of work.  I need it. 

I want to dive into finishing the book I have been working on.  Almost there!  It has truly been an interesting process.  The emotional roller coaster I have gone on during the writing of this has been tremendous.  I have discovered things out about self, remembered things about self, acknowledged things about self,  some of them not so good believe me.  Then comes the fear.  What if no one reads it?  What if people read it and hate it?  What if, what if, what if?

Enough to drive toon looney.  I accept that this is likely a very common reaction.  No doubt every person before me and all that follow who decide to publish a piece of their creative self and offer it to the masses has likely felt this.  I think about the multitude of books that are published, music that is recorded, art that has been produced in just a year and it blows me away that I will likely never be exposed to the majority of it.  But it’s out there.

And you know those times when you find that book, hear a song or discover an art piece that was released to the public a lifetime ago, and it speaks to you on a level that is so profound and beautiful…it may never have achieved the success deserved, but you have found it and it is now a part of you.  That gift that the artist who created it has now been able to reach through the spans of time and touch your life with its presence.

That is the beauty of this I suppose.  Once I release my book to the public, who is to say what will happen?  But if it touches just one soul, then perhaps I have done my job.  This is what I want to do.  I want to write.  I want to create. I want to share.

I have told myself for a lifetime of what I can’t do.  That’s changing.  What if I can do it?  What if I do it?  Now its time to break through.  Never know until you try.  I have to keep into perspective of why I want to do this in the first place as well. 

Am I wanting fame and fortune?  No.  Am I wanting praise and admiration.  No. 

Why am I doing this?  Completion.  This story will now have been told and it will be available to the public.  For me, I will have finished something I have always wanted to do.  What doors, I wonder will open then?  Will this be it? 

When I started to run again the obstacles were rather daunting.  But finishing that first race opened up a whole new belief in myself.  It propelled me to look past my perceived limitations and challenge them.  And oh baby, I have been breaking down walls ever since. 

Publishing the first book is both frightening and exhilarating all at the same time.  How it is received is out of my hands but do keep in mind that I someday hope to rule the world…

The release I think will be emotional freedom for me.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Once you have seen something through to fruition then it is on to the next project. 

So I am going to dive into down time now.  The sun is shining and I have six days to immerse myself into what will hopefully be the best damn 10,000 words to full completion that have ever been penned. 

Ah yes.  The joy of writing. 

Enjoy your day everyone. Thanks for checking in.


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