This has been an interesting time for me. I am looking deeper into self than I ever have before and oddly too, I am expanding this to everyone and everything around me as well. At times I feel a certain trepidation in doing this but I have spent a lifetime avoiding it. Now I am curious. Now I want to find out once and for all what I am all about and what I am capable of. I still have certain behaviour patterns that are emerging that I don’t necessarily need to hang onto. It is recognizing them and dispensing or adjusting them to better fit the person I ultimately see and want to become. It is realizing that I have very many sides to self and each one needs to reflect to the other the truth of who I am at my core.
This, I am coming to accept, will ultimately guide me to the point in my consciousness where I will just be. I really think this will give me the harmony and balance that I seek. For such a long time I really felt like I was at complete odds with myself and in fact I was. It is very difficult to carry on when every aspect of self seems to be in conflict all the time.
I was thinking yesterday of what ‘normal’ is. In my mind I would think the law of averages may apply here. Normal seems to be balanced to some degree. There is nothing spectacular about it, nothing frightening or subdued either. Just good ol’ normalcy.
I am not normal. I know this. It is trying to find that point that is consistent with the rest of me, that point where all sides can say ‘Yes, this fits.’ I am very close to that. Still have a few kinks to work through. I guess one of the most interesting aspects of this has been when old behaviours do emerge, I actually have been able to work through them with relative ease. I have been able to identify the behaviour’s origin and adjust it accordingly.
It is very peaceful day thus far. Just this quiet serenity that really seems essential at this moment. More shifts and changes will continue. At the end of the day I have to be happy with who I am. That is the most important aspect to this. It has nothing to do with ego. Not at all. It is being able to say this is who I am and knowing that there is nothing wrong with that. It is knowing that I will continue to evolve and explore and share. It is full acceptance and truth.
Truth can be very subjective. What I believe may not coincide with your beliefs. There are fundamental truths that guide all of us though. This is what I look for. This is what I aspire to.
Peace to all.