Musings and Committments

If you have read any of my posts you will know I have been focusing a lot on personal development and growth.  I have been wanting to address and let go of past fears and inhibitions and have been doing so.  It has been an interesting journey.  One thing that struck me today is just how pervasive patterns in our life are.  All those negative recordings that have been hardwired over a lifetime in my head and now I am trying to change the message.  Now I am trying to change the content and re-write the code completely.

This has been tricky.  At times I miss an important piece of data and get bounced back to the start of that message to begin yet again.  At least with each attempt it gets a little easier.  (I can’t believe I just said that).

I am sitting here on this Tuesday morning looking out at a cloudy sky of varying shades of grey.  I had a great workout this morning  and will be running with my group tonight.  Physically I am almost at my goal.  Yet I still  sabotage this to some degree.  I fall into the thinking that I have been really good with my diet,  so sure I can go ahead and have a few extra pieces of pizza and a few more beer.  The thinking that I need to change is that this is somehow a ‘reward’ for being so good with my diet.

It isn’t a reward.  Not at all. That is actually just one pattern that I want to re-write.  Hopefully from this description you will get my meaning of changing patterns.

I have this image in my head of how I would like to be.  And really when it all comes down to it, I simply want to exemplify love in all its many forms.  I really want to just release that side of self and not feel the fear of being vulnerable.  I want to have that confidence in my being.

Guess the only thing to do is carry on in that direction.

One thing that has popped up at a few of the workshops I have done as of late is that knowing when you have ‘enough’ and are content to just be.  I was thinking about the meditation last week and what direction I was given.

And yet, I am hesitant at times.  Coltish to a certain degree.  I wonder why I hesitate to dive into this beautiful pool of pure bliss and just drown in it for awhile.  At times I don’t feel I deserve to be here.  Yet I am on this threshold and I can’t help but move forward.

So I will carry on with another of my 12 week optimum health plan as before and try not to deviate quite as much as I did before.  With each repetition hopefully the lesson is learned and heeded.

Have a great day everyone!


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