I had a fabulous run this morning. I am ready for my first race of year on Sunday! I was running through Queen’s Park this morning and it started to hail. I quite enjoyed it, I must say. It was not the huge pellets but the small ones and no wind. Didn’t last very long either. I don’t know what it is about running in the dark of morning but there is something almost ‘other worldy’ about it at times.
The air is so fresh and the silence of the morning speaks to me. There is no hum of traffic passing by. There is an energy that is so gentle in its offering like a lazy morning kiss. I ran through it this morning and just accepted the offerings of this day.
I was at a group meditation last night and the energy was so good. I have really been working on self and one of the things I am trying to do is let go of ego. For me the message I received was this:
“Let go of ‘I want‘ and accept ‘I am’.
This morning as I was running I was thinking about this. I started to play with the words and added a few items. An example would be “I want love” then I changed it to “I am love.” Another example would be “I want success” then switch it over to “I am success”. Another one “I want beauty” to “I am beauty.”
The premise is simple really. I need to just accept myself at this moment. Personally I sometimes feel that once I lose the rest of my weight, only then will I be acceptable to the world at large. Once I have gotten to a certain level of confidence, only then will I be fit to be loved. And at the heart of all of this is forgiveness of self.
Every morning now I will forgive first myself and then let that expand and grow into a deep and abiding love that can be shared with the rest of this planet.
My other intent for the meditation was transparency of self. I want to take the amour off that I have worn for so long…I have been afraid to let the world see me because I was afraid I would not be accepted. What matters is that I accept who I am.
If I can walk quietly out my door in the morning content with my being, appreciative and grateful for another day, appreciative and grateful for the people in my life and thankful for the many blessings that have been given to me then why should I not share this with the rest of the world? Why should I not put this energy out to everyone else? So this is what I am going to try and do.
Over time, I am certain it will just be. There will be no thought required to get to this state as I will be in that state of being and acceptance will be fully embraced.
So when I look in the mirror when I wash up first thing in the morning…I will not see the puzzle of a half done Picasso painting staring back at me, but will recognize and accept the woman that I am. Should I find myself being too hard on self or having unreasonable expectations then I will forgive these transgressions and move toward acceptance.
Thank you to all of you for listening while I deliver these little musings of mine. I hope all of you have a wonderful day…and look for me dancing on the edge of time.