Finding my place….

Yes…I made it to the gym this morning.  I actually got there a little earlier so I really kicked it up a notch.  In four weeks time I have reduced my weight by 6.5 lbs.  Not bad.  I did want it to be at 8 lbs for the two pounds per week…but the thing with getting a bit older is things don’t always happen quite at the pace you are hoping for.  Keep in mind also, that this is not just about weight loss for me.  If this is the first of my posts that you are reading…please refer to the post ‘A New Year…a New Life…’ for more insight on this.

Progress is being made none the less, and I am feeling really good.  I will see where I am at after the initial 12 week plan has run its course then move on from there.  Optimum health is the goal here and I do mean this in all manners not just the physical aspect of it.

I have been exploring over the past year a lot of different modalities regarding energy healing and a more holistic approach to well being.  I have been exploring the sides of self that have been more destructive in nature and am currently in transition, correcting patterns that have been hardwired into me.   I am, as I have stated recently, really letting go of ego or at least attempting to.  Ego in my mind, is the part of self that dictates how I should look, what I should have, where I should be….and if those ideals are in fact artificial in their context, then they are unattainable and will serve no purpose to me even if I did garner them.  So…I am trying to listen more to my heart centre for it does know what I need…it does know what I want and if I trust myself…it will take me there.

I have come a long way in the course of a year…and in truth, I haven’t even scratched the surface when it comes to the possibilities of where this will take me and even what any of this is exactly.  But it is exciting.

I would like to share a moment with all of you…this occurred back in late August.  I had about 3 weeks before running my first 14k called the Coho Run.   An absolutely beautiful run, by the way. The following experience was just magic.  So simple and yet so very vital.  For that moment a portal opened up and I felt this surge of energy unlike any other rush through me.  I don’t even know if the term ‘energy’ is an adequate description but for lack of better term it will have to suffice.  I shared this with my healer with whom I have been working with over the past year and this is an excerpt from that:

“I have had something of a turning point today.  I headed out to do a bit of shopping and decided that I really needed to let my toes get kissed by the surf.  So I made my way to the beach and walked along the shore.  The tide was high so the times when I stopped my feet sank into the sand up to my ankles.  This is yet another little pleasure of my mine and like getting caught in the rain, it has something of a sensual quality to it.  And I think in the moment that I was thinking this it occurred to me that being sensual and sexual are in fact quite different.  For the longest time I thought they were pretty much one in the same and while they definitely feed off each other to some degree…they are very unique in their own right.

I really just got caught up in the moment…it was great to just be in there feeling the water and sand between my toes…feeling the sun on my face…the smell of the ocean….
I headed up to the Sylvia Hotel to have a drink and ruminate on all of this.  My jeans had gotten quite wet and my feet were now covered in sand.  I felt so alive….every nerve ending was so completely attuned to everything around me. 
I have been having all these little mini-revelations since I began this journey back in February…but this feels so different!
I am peeling away each layer of fear and doubt with such ferocity….there is an urgency to it…an impatience…a desire so strong to just get past all of this.
There is this excitement inside me….so wanting to be this free spirit…the vision of self becomes more focused. 
At this moment I am feeling light – on air…I am moving forward…rapidly.
In this moment, as I am watching the bees do their thing  in the vines that wrap themselves around the Syliva…I make a promise to myself.  I need to slow this down…I need to savour this.  I need to appreciate the journey.  If I don’t then I will have missed the most important aspect of any journey which is the experience itself.
There is no mold that I will conform to…this will forever change and shift and evolve.  I will know love… I will know loss…I will know pain… I will know joy.
These are all part of the human experience.”
The connection I felt that day was just phenomenal.  And…it apparently goes by a few names  because when I have shared this information with shamanic and holistic practitioners, the response has been, ‘That’s tantra….or thats Kundalini energy…or the matrix…or the source.”  Whatever the name I know its there…that it does exist…it is real…not imagined.  It is uninhibited…it is free…it is pure in its essence.  It is life.  Come join me there.
Enjoy your day!

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