Try as might…last night I did not slip into the realm of sleep easily. I seemed at times to be on the cusp…then would drift back to the awakened state. Very odd I thought lying there. So I tossed myself onto the proverbial couch without moving a muscle to examine why I could not fall asleep. I had a productive day…I had gone to see my sister…I had gone to see a friend and had coffee…I had done my grocery shopping…I had finished my housework and worked on the book. I had gone for a walk with my daughter….yup, had felt really good. When I had crawled into bed one and a half hours ago I had been relaxed and sleepy. I would be getting up at 5:00 AM to go to the gym…perfect. There was nothing in particular that was troubling me…nothing at work that I was really stressing about…and I don’t usually stress about work to begin with. It is a job after all…and I do the best that I can and that is all that there is to that really. I tried meditation…tried connecting with my spirit horse…but the mind just seemed to be this little whirlwind of convoluted thoughts shooting off in a thousand different directions. Some are very random…some are very silly.
The clock slipped past the midnight hour…and anxiety started to set in. No, no…don’t do this now I tell myself. This won’t solve anything. What, I think to myself, if I cannot sleep….I will be a mess tomorrow. I calm myself and finally somewhere around 12:30 AM I am successful and drift off.
I made it to the gym…had a decent work out. I am down 1.8 lbs. in just over a week. So I will modify a few things as I want to see the 2 lbs. per week…but I am close to being on track. Also, I am not yet doing my full work out regime so once February kicks in I should be at full capacity in that regard. The knee is feeling pretty good…the only tender spot as I stated is the scrape on the knee which is shrinking quite a bit each day. I guess what I don’t like is the discoloration. It really looks ghastly having run down the shin and calf the way that it has. And the bruise on my stomach…weird. It is raining and while I started off with the hair thing looking pretty good…it has rolled over and is currently playing dead. I will likely have to bind it behind my head at some point when I can no longer stand to look at it. (For those of you who would like further information about my hair…please read the blog “You know you need a haircut when…”).
It is the beginning of a new week. The beginning of a New Moon. The beginning of New Lunar Year on the Chinese calendar. The beginning of the Year of the Dragon. I am wearing red in honour of the occasion and will be attending a New Moon meditation this evening. Perhaps it will give me some insight into the ‘quiet mind’ that I was certainly seeking last evening. And yes, I know there is no ‘wrong’ way to meditate…but I was thinking last night…as I was trying to meditate and calm the mind and the thousand thoughts that were racing through…what if you have your thoughts straying in several directions? How do you pull all of that back and try to empty it out? Hmmmmm…..well, I guess I will just have to keep trying. It should be good to have the additional energy of others around me who are able to achieve this state…perhaps I will absorb some of this energy.
So a very Happy Lunar New Year to everyone! Enjoy your day!