A Christmas Wish…


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I rose early.

I’ve not done this too much over the last month since I’ve been unemployed, however, I wanted to attend the Pan Pacific’s 28th Annual Christmas Wish Breakfast.

So with a book of poetry (local) and a movie gift card in hand, I stepped out into the dark of morning at 6:20 AM.

A fat full moon hung in luminous beauty on a velvety black sky as rows of white and red headlights blinked in unison in the pre-dawn along the highway.

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I wanted to wish the gang at Rock 101 all the best as well.  I really appreciate listening to them each morning.  They elevate me.  They are so warm and open.

And wow!  It has been a while since I’ve watched the sunrise from downtown Vancouver!  I watched as the Lions now sprinkled with snow turned a beautiful shade of pink just prior to the sun flooding the sky.

The line-up at the Pan Pacific was long and that’s cool.  All of us in attendance were there to give back to those less fortunate.  May everyone have a blessed time over the holidays.

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I will be making my pilgrimage to BC Childrens’ Hospital again this year.  Notification will go up today.

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And it was such a pleasure to meet Willy and Kim.  They’ve been a part of my mornings for a very long time along with Alyece who I met earlier this year.

It’s been a tough one.

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Now I’m turning my focus toward all the good in my life.  all the little things that make my life a little happier, a little more bearable in times such as these, a little more joyful.

And yes, the gang at Rock 101 does contribute to this factor along with my friends, and bearing witness to beautiful sunrise.  It also helps to know that life will always have its ups and downs.  Your character can well be measured by how you manage the pitfalls in your life.

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For me, I keep this heart of mine full to bursting with all the love that it has been afforded.  Indeed, I’m truly blessed.

I’ve a daughter who in many ways saved this soul of mine.  I turned from a path of certain self-destruction to one of redemption and accountability.

And my god, the power of forgiveness!

To let go of the grievances that have plagued me, to rise above the hurt and pain, and release the the fear.

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To grow and expand and realize int really isn’t about me at all.

It is about my connection to everyone and everything that I share this planet with.

Its about respect, about love, peace and the human experience.

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I am humbled.  This moves me in ways you cannot imagine.

I have fought through the challenges of presenting my person and move toward wanting to make a positive impact and truly make a difference in some form.

I’ll keep trying.  Rick Hansen asked this of all us back in 2012 that were invited to run with him.  I take this request to heart.

I just finished a delightful salad at The Reach and I’m feeling incredibly emotional.  It’s a good thing though.   A release of sorts.

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Sometimes reminding myself that I’m part of this collective we call humanity is overwhelming.

I want to embrace and discard all the pain and suffering in this world as unreasonable as that sounds.  I want to ensure that everything will be okay.

The fact that I’m here, alive and pushing toward life, demanding that its essence fill me…

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Knowing that I am loved.

Is this not the greatest gift?

So I’ll keep on, keepin’ on.

Expansion will come the more I immerse myself with this world that surrounds me.  In manner that is positive with no expectations.

I can only offer…does not mean what I give will be accepted.

And never is there any remorse or ill will that what I offer has been rejected.

Know it will always be there.  What has been offered will never be removed.

That is the truth of where our humanity lays.

The Eagles Among Us

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Time to start doing the things I love again.

Admittedly I’ve been traversing through the realms of depression once again.  It’s been a tough year.

And while I may feel a little stuck, one thing I do know, is that I’ll get past this.  I will learn from the events of this year and grow as a result.

I’ve got to get back out there and try things not attempted before.  Oh, don’t worry. By this I’m not talking about leaping from planes or any such nonsense.  Those are activities that have no interest for this gal.

I’ve been considering a public speaking series to be offered in at secondary schools here in Vancouver and surrounding suburbs.  I will be drafting up the idea and then check in with my Toastmaster compatriots for some guidance on this.  I really do want to use the skills I’m developing in this area.

Later today we are having an Open House at Toastmasters.  After just 5 1/2 months I’ve completed the first manual and am working on the second that focuses on leadership.

On the weekend my photography group headed up to the 20th Annual Eagle Festival in Harrison Mills.  This is out in the beautiful Fraser Valley. It is an 1 1/2 hour drive from my home.  Saturday was spectacular weather wise.  I offered to carpool and two members came along with me.  We left at 9:00 AM.  It’s getting cold as winter is coming.

The effect was a magical mist that hung over the river kissing the trees that lined the shore along the way.  The deep autumn blue sky offered a fabulous contrast.

We arrived at our destination and spent the next four hours exploring the area and watching the eagles feast on the spawning salmon.

The area had been hit by a storm with high winds earlier in the week and the evidence was everywhere.

The treat was being able to watch hundreds of eagles!  At times there would be twenty or more circling high in the sky above.

Here are a few images from this event.  Enjoy!

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Looking for Direction

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For those of you who have followed this blog, you’ll note I’ve not been very active lately on this forum.

I am feeling scattered these days.

I’m once again unemployed and it happened rather suddenly and unexpectedly.

And I find myself once again looking for direction.  I’ve traversed this path a time or two.  I’m missing something , for example, the kazillion red flags that seem to go up a few months in.


Do I pay them mind?  No.  I buckle down and get to work.

And as the quick sand swallows me,  do I admit that perhaps my choice may have been marred by echoes from my past?

No.  I sink ever deeper fighting all the way dammit.

And even as I can see the writing on the wall…after all it’s now flashing neon at me…do I admit that I may have erred on this?

It is usually at this point when I begin to reconcile all the red flags that have come prior to this moment as I accept that my days are numbered and the madness I’ve been entrenched in must surely come to an end.


I was at a Toastmaster meeting this evening and one of our members mentioned the necessity of a ‘F-IT’ list.

Quite simply, write down all the things that you don’t want in your life.

And at this moment I’m conflicted like never before.   Should I start my own business? Should I take something else?  Should I focus more on my writing?

The thing that has been lacking with the three places I’ve worked at over the last 10 years has been communication.  I’ve been tossed a mess and I’ve cleaned it up with virtually no direction from those who hired me.

And while these relationships seem to begin  on a good enough note, they start to go south when I begin to realize the depth of the problems and try to discuss it.

In truth this is when I should be walking out the door…no, make that running, as at this point there have been a few substantial problems that have already cropped up prior to this.

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And while I’ve always honoured the job and left the position in excellent shape for whomever follows in my stead, at times it has a hollow resonance to it.

I can’t go back though and I don’t want to.  Now I just gotta figure out what I’m doing moving forward.

Even my blog, for example.

It began as a way to become a better writer.  I believe I’ve achieved this in a big way.  It was never a popularity contest even though I felt quite neglected a time or two.  I’ve voiced this point of view a few times.

And I accepted that I’m not good at the marketing side of this whole blog thing and I’m still abysmal at it.

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This blog has become, to some degree, an online journal.  I’ve simply shared and recorded the last 3 1/2 years of my life much the way I’ve recorded the previous 54 years which is through the written word.


I really  need to focus on my writing in a big way.  I need to focus on my physical and emotional well being in a big way.

I’ve been out of work four weeks and it occurred to me that I could have written a first draft in that time.

Instead, I’ve been curled up on my sofa.  I have not been feeling very good…some weird cold thing.

Dr. Phil is pissing me off, Ellen is too bloody happy, Dr. Oz is driving me to madness and they just keep yelling at each on The View.

And why the hell am watching this stuff anyway?  I could be penning the next bestseller!


Actually I’ve already penned and published a bestseller…just that no one knows this yet!  I need to change that.

It’s back to the lab.  Time to reinvent the wheel…again.  Perhaps I’ll actually get it to work this time out. And by this, metaphorically I am the wheel.  I was really close this last time out so I’ll go back…tweak it and get back out there.









An Awakening

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In the last few months I’ve truly begun to emerge and transform from the effects of cancer.  It’s not just the physicality aspect to it.  One of the biggest challenges has been dealing with the emotional fall out of treatment.

For a time I felt helpless with virtually no choice but to allow them to administer treatment after surgery when I may well have been cancer free.   Fear is something I know all too well and that was a huge factor as to why I went ahead with chemo and radiation.

And the cancer agency certainly propagated the fear.


Depression hit as treatment ended and then came the anger.

I am convinced that there are treatments out there that are not harmful to the body or create the risk involved with conventional treatment such as chemotherapy and radiation.

Then I watched a clip from an HBO documentary titled VICE: Killing Cancer.

This angered me so much.

They are now injecting viruses such as HIV into Cancer patients.   I saw images of people in HAZMAT outfits ‘neutering’ the virus so it won’t ‘grow’ in the patient.


vice 1Isn’t it bad enough that they inject patients with poison (aka chemo)?

Recently I’ve come upon a technology that I am going to check out.  It’s called PEMF.  This is an energy mat and its available through SWISS-BIONIC.  I am really excited about it and will definitely share my experiences with you.

A woman that I met at the seminar for the energy mat had received her mat a week prior.  She has breast cancer.

Like me she has questioned the conventional treatment we were prescribed.  She sent me a link to a series called THE TRUTH ABOUT CANCER:  A Global Quest.

I’ve watched Episodes 1 & 2 and then 7.

There are nine episodes.  This is the Facebook link.  https://www.facebook.com/thetruthaboutcancer?fref=ts

Having gone through the treatment it has given me a different outlook on all of this.  If I can assist in opening up dialogue about conventional treatment and the big pharmaceuticals’ and their agenda, then this will be a good thing.


I asked myself the question many times during treatment.  “If there was an inexpensive treatment for cancer, would they tell us?”

Silently I knew the answer would be ‘No.’  Being sick is a big business globally, particularly in North America.

And the telling part of all of this is that the doctors’ were not interested in some of the tell tale symptoms that came to my mind upon diagnosis.  I stated that just prior to entering menopause I had a two month cycle.  I was bleeding very heavy during this time.  They dismissed it immediately and told me this was irrelevant.  Uterine cancer is a result of an increase in the female hormone Estrogen.

At no time was I ever enlightened as to what some of the signs may have been.  I was simply told it was different for every women.   The other thing that was never discussed was my diet.

Nutrition is huge!


What we eat definitely impacts our exposure to cancer.  What else that has changed dramatically in the last 30 years or so is what’s in our food.

The dramatic change has been technology.  It has exploded and with it we have an atmosphere full of EMF’s that are not good for us.  Cell phones, towers, computers, WiFi, etc.

Did you know that if you use your cell phone as an alarm that you should set it to Airplane Mode so that you won’t be subject to  the radiofrequency energy (radio waves), a form of non-ionizing radiation. Tissues nearest to where the phone is held can absorb this energy.

And now the WHO (World Health Organization is stating that bacon and processed and cured meats contain carcinogens.

I am looking to educate myself and gain my health back.  I’m also looking to share what I come across.

Be well!











Election Campaign 2015: Please Vote!

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I’ve really been educating myself this time around.  I was originally going to do a series regarding the election, however, time as it is want to do, got away from me.  With just over a week to go before our collective decision is made advance polling stations are open this weekend for those who would like to vote early.

My daughter decided to vote early this time out as she’ll be going to Alberta next week to visit family.  I am proud of her convictions and that she follows what is happening in this world.

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I’ve been on mission as of late.  I’m getting my home in order so that I can get myself on track.  Since March 2015 our building has been in a state of repair and I’ve been in a state of repair for a couple of years now.

As the repairs to my home are finally coming to a close, I decided its time to get on with my life and rebuild as well.  It starts with the organization of important documents not so important documents.  Then comes reducing the accumulation of stuff.  I write a great deal…I read…I download and read some more.

I have recipes, items of interest and a plethora of everything in between to tackle.  And considering all the stuff that was in my big closet that still hasn’t been completely renovated as of yet, this gal has been required to go through a few years of organized mayhem.

Somewhere in all this I cleaned out my fridge and pantry as well.

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Impressed, aren’t you!

I hadn’t picked up any groceries as I wanted to do this prior to and so I cleaned up and headed out to lunch and then out to shop and refill the coffers.

Picking up The Province newspaper I read an interview that was done with Stephen Harper.  This took place last Thursday at Red Truck Brewery in Vancouver.  Mr. Harper prefers suds to buds.

He’s impressed with how well we make beer out here on the coast, however, he’s upset at our skills in growing BC bud.  Even more so as to how we sell it.

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Harper comments “Marijuana is infinitely worse than tobacco.”  Really?

The reporter offers up a rebuttal.  “40,000 Canadian die annually from tobacco related deaths.”

Harper states that’s simply because tobacco is more widespread than marijuana.  Well, Mr. Harper, tobacco is also legal across the country and available in most stores and there is a bitch load of taxes associated with this product as well.

Had I been there I would have asked Mr. Harper how he felt about medical cannabis.  Having used Phoenix Tears (Hemp Oil with THC) to combat the side effects of chemotherapy I know how well this worked without any side effects.  I wasn’t looking to get high and I didn’t.  I would take it before going to bed and yes, it was extraordinary at dealing with any subsequent pain I was feeling.

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Harper then pulled a classic political tactic.  He states that Trudeau’s number one priority is to legalize marijuana and that his is the economy.

Bada bing, bada boom!

He has redirected the interview to a topic he is far more comfortable with and has subsequently taken more shots at his opponents while offering up vague bullshit at his governments accomplishments.

“Home ownership has increase and is more affordable for Canadians” he declares.

Not in Vancouver.

Harper insists he will launch an investigation to see if off-shore buying is in fact artificially pushing up the market in Vancouver….if he’s re-elected.

What the……(insert bad word)?

This has been going on in Vancouver for some 20-30 years now.  In 1987 a house in East Vancouver would cost about $80,000.00.

Now you’re looking at $1.3 million as the average.  Now ask me if the cost of living and wages have been on par with insane rise in housing.  If you’re a young person renting…its really expensive and the idea of owning a home in Vancouver has become a pipe dream for many.

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The Conservative government has been in power for close to a decade and has never given the rising cost of housing one iota of attention.  On the heels of his promise to investigate he assures us that he doesn’t want to rock the boat and see homeowners lose the equity in their homes.

Then we come to oil.  Here in BC we are having the production of pipelines stuffed down our throat whether we like it or not.  The oil sands in Alberta have enough in them to last the next hundred or so years.  Not all that long now, is it?  What happens when it’s all gone?  Why are we still not looking to cleaner forms of energy such as wind and solar?

Harper has been shutting down Coastguard stations here in BC as well.  Yet we are expected to have an increase in tanker traffic.

My disgust for this man is increasing exponentially.  He has used fear mongering and negative ads to dissuade Canadians from ousting him out of office.

Prime minster Harper, your pink slip will served shortly and your legacy is not a good one.  Not at all.

To all my fellow Canadians who are eligible to vote, please exercise your right to do so.

On Monday,

October 19, 2015 do your duty and VOTE!


So Many Choices…



I’ve been absent from this forum over the last few months.  It’s not a question of having nothing to say.  I’ve always got something to say.  These days I’m slowing down a bit to decide the best method to deliver what it is I want to convey and, in fact, I’ve been considering the message itself.

I’m learning little by little how to navigate in this world of social media.  I’ve read many posts and watched podcasts.  I’ve hooked up Hootesuite but still don’t really know how to use it.  My daughter will give me a crash course at some point.

My health is improving but now I need to really focus on getting myself back into shape.


I still have lingering symptoms from the cancer treatment.   As I approach two years of being cancer free,  it is a milestone. This time frame in terms of recovery is particularly important for those having suffered Uterine Cancer.  If the cancer is to reoccur, it is usually within two years after the initial diagnosis and treatment.

I’ll be checking out the iMRS Swiss Bionic Energy Mat next Wednesday.  I’d like to find out a bit more about this and I know a couple who offer treatments.  So I may very well go for a treatment to see if it will help regenerate healthy tissue and repair some of the internal damage I know exists.

It is my understanding that notable improvement can occur after just one treatment.  Considering the issues I’ve had with my back since the car accident earlier in the year, this may provide some of the relief I’ve been seeking.  After all if I want to become active again, I need to find a way to manage the pain threshold so that I can rebuild.

I’ve been exercising my shutterbug passions and practicing hard at public speaking.  Where this will take me, I’m not certain but I’ll be prepared.

These days the focus is on where I want to go with my life.  There are several options and I have to decide which one not only serves me best but that allows me to give back in the manner that I want to.  I’ve been developing ideas and now I need to implement them.


Stay tuned!

Talking to Myself


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This year has blown by like an unforgiving force of mythological proportions.  In many ways the perfect storm.

I look in the mirror and indeed the reflection that stares back at me shows the appearance of someone having weathered some rather extreme cold fronts.

But look a little closer.  The eyes are still on fire, the head has a million ideas running through it and this heart still wants to love, needs to love…


I was at my last session with the kinesiolgist earlier this evening.  Jae pushed me hard.

And yet, in my head, I still can’t accept that this is all I can do.

I’m remembering such a short time ago when the exercises I did this evening wouldn’t have even broken a sweat.  I’ve got some work to do.

And I told Jae that I may never get back to the level I was at before…but at least I’m alive and I can move.  Sure, it still hurts but hell, I’ve got to keep trying.

And on the same note I can’t accept what’s happening to me.

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I will be competing in a speaking contest of all things.  Telling a Tall Tale.  Never saw myself doing this.  And yet, I’ve challenged myself to speak as well as I write.  To become a storyteller in every sense of the word.  To have fun, to share some expressions, to leave people I’ve shared my ideas with reason to pause and reflect.

My home is still under construction as am I.  Works in progress both of us.  Life being coy and whimsical.  At times I feel so inadequate and foolish.

I’ve worked so hard to move from such notions.  Perhaps its best to just embrace those moments when I don’t feel I fit into my life very well at all.  Reality can at times be a bitch when the dream seems so close to fruition.

Pulled back, teasingly.  ‘Work harder.’

Decisions are made.  Desperate, wanting…

Decisions are reached.  Calmly, with forethought…

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And I slip into bed with a sore arm, a back tied in knots and legs cramping.  Stories are rushing through me and chase me into slumber.

And I’m working, working, working…

Trying to organize my time, trying to organize my life, trying to just live, just be.

At the gym Jae instructed me to do crunches but to have ‘fun’ with them.

“Make a gun with your hands.” he instructed showing me and placing his hands over his head.

“Now come up, pause and shoot between your legs.”

This is weird I decided.

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“Think of someone you’d like to shoot, that you don’t like.” he encouraged. ” like…your husband?”

“No…”I didn’t mention I wasn’t married.  Mute point.

“I don’t like guns, Jae. And there really is no one I want to shoot…hypothetically.”

I spoiled the fun, I guess.

Still I’m in this odd space these days and like everything…I’ll learn and grow.